Cloud Therapy (in Memory of Debbie Hodson)

Cloud Therapy. 

There is something about looking up into the sky and seeing white, puffy clouds.  It is very relaxing and peaceful.  My dear friend, the late Debbie Hodson, loved to talk about looking up into the clouds and thinking about God's great love.  In 2008, when she was going through chemo therapy due to cancer, I made her a fleece blanket.  It was sky blue with white puffy clouds all over it.  I have been wanting to make more of them but for some reason I cannot find that same material in the stores that used to sell them.  I guess I should have listened to my mom and bought that material when we had that idea several years ago.  

I miss Debbie and I am still reminded of God's love when I look into the clouds. I imagine that she is having the time of her life as she is totally in God's presence without any pain... I wrote this poem in honor of her:

When the pain is so great and times are so tough

and you don't think you can make it, because life is so rough,

Look up into the clouds, high in the sky

as they are sitting still or passing by.

When the clouds are pure and inviting and are white as a dove

they are a small reminder of God's great and awesome love.

When it is overcast and the clouds seem, oh so gray

remember God isn't leaving; He is here to stay.

When all the clouds seem to have disappeared and want to hide

Remember if you do not see God, He is still always at your side.

so if you are having a sad moment or some major uncertainty

Lift your chin up, look up at the clouds, and remember God's cloud therapy.

I originally wrote this poem on February 18, 2009. Also the picture of the dove is a copy of the oil painting I painted in 2011 called "The Holy Spirit is our Comforter." The original painting is displayed at the Loma Linda Children's Hospital in Loma Linda, CA. It is in the children's cancer ward (infusion room). With a help of a friend, we donated it to inspire children who are going through cancer treatments and for their parents who need encouragement too.

To My Fibromyalgia or Chronic Pain Support Group

To those of you who have Chronic Pain or Fibro, this post is for you:

I'm so glad you all are in this group...I wish you all didn't have to suffer but I feel a new bond of support because we all seem to go through the same things. You all are my new fibro buddies....or should I say the msd's "moist-sensitive buddies" or the bpf's "barometric pressure friends"...whatever we call our selves, I wish we didn't have to go through the horrific pains and other health issues that go along with it...

I have learned through all this pain, to encourage others since I know what it is to be in various types of pains....To all of you...I hope and pray you have a great day...with more strength to do what you have to do, the courage to face the day...and to remember to take care of your self whether it is hot packs, Epsom salt baths, relaxing, or doing whatever you have to do to take the edge off.

Some of the most frustrating things we deal with is not being able to do what we want to do when we want to do it.  I did whatever I could yesterday to take care of myself so that I would be able to go to church..I took the Epsom salt bath, used the massager and the healax,  rested, and stretched but all night I suffered in pain.  It can be so frustrating to not do simple things like going to church.  It is good to go out and socialize and be connected with people yet it is so hard when pain has got me down. So it is a breath of fresh air to know I have you all on my team.

I know you all know what I mean because you deal with it daily too.  Remember to take care of yourself. Plus try to find an outlet for your pain.  I paint and do creative writing to help me forget the pain I am in and to focus on other things. I also have to lean on God for his strength because I would go nuts if I didn't.


Dear God
I pray for my new fibro friends in the support group.  You know what we all are going through. I ask for a healing in our lives, to take away this excruciating pain.Yet I know if that is not your will, I pray you give us strength to be able to get up, face the day, help us to take care of what we need to in our lives, and help us to be able to get out of the house when we are in so much pain so we don't seclude ourselves.  God, you are the God who saw Jesus die on that cross thousands of years ago.  You even heard Jesus cry in the garden of Gethsemane before he was on the cross, "Lord, please take this cup from me. Yet Let your will be done."  It was your will for him to die on the cross to take away our sins. and He ended up being raised from the dead and is alive and well...

 Lord I ask for your healing...Yet if you do not heal us, I ask you to show us what your will is for us. Thank you that you have brought us this far. I know I couldn't have lived with all this pain, without your unconditional love and strength... God, please touch each of my fibro buddies today and everyday and if anyone of them is mad at you for not taking the pain away, please help them through it.  I know that I used to be angry with you for not healing me but now I know I have a purpose in my life to help others...Help them through the hurt, the angry, and the frustrations, but most of all help them through the pain so that they can lean on you for love, grace, strength and hope like I have.....Thank you
Amen


Fibro buddies, have a blessed day...Remember to take one day at a time... Live second to second...We are strong people to have to deal with all this pain...Remember we are conquerors...


note: portrait picture taken by Tanya Kirkendall
Dove painting painted by Tanya Kirkendall

Do You Have A Ram or a Bull nearby?

I was reading the first half of Numbers 23 and I could not help but laugh because of my big, creative imagination. Read this scripture and then I will explain.

Balaam said, “Build me seven altars here, and prepare seven bulls and seven rams for me.” ² Balak did as Balaam said, and the two of them offered a bull and a ram on each altar.

³ Then Balaam said to Balak, “Stay here beside your offering while I go aside. Perhaps the Lord will come to meet with me. Whatever he reveals to me I will tell you.” Then he went off to a barren height."

etc...

First of all Balaam tells Balak, “Build me seven altars here, and prepare seven bulls and seven rams for me.” First I am assuming he has to get the animals before he can sacrifice them.  I am picturing Balak trying to catch seven bulls and seven rams..  He decides to gather some of his friends to help him. Some of them chickened out and asked, "Are you crazy or what?" Yet Balak insisted that he needed these animals so he can hear from God.

So he gathers about 5 of the strongest men he knows.  

(photobucket.com)

"One by one they capture the rams. Okay 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...yes they are all here. We have captured 7 rams. Okay now we need 7 bulls." 

He and his friends head over to where the bulls are.

Have you seen a bull lately? They are not the most gentle animals out there.  And you must never make them mad, is what I gathered when watching a bull fight on TV awhile ago.  

(wikipedia.org)

Picture Balak getting ready.  He has made a loop in his rope and has it ready to catch the big bull. He throws the lassoed rope and misses the bull. He gathers up the rope again and throws it again. Missed again.

The next thing you know, the bull is running towards him.  Balak is getting all hot and sweaty...He is gritting his teeth because this bull won't cooperate and he is thinking as he is running down the field: "Man, I have to get seven of these." He yells for his macho friends to help...They are doing the best they can by lassoing their own ropes and swinging them toward the bull. Yet they keep missing.

The next thing you know is that there are 10 bulls running down the field in their direction.  All the men are scattered in the field running for their lives. They each finally get to the same spot, yet out of breath. The older guy asks Balak how badly does he need these bulls...Balak tells him that he really needs them. Another guy pipes in and says that he knows of a place in the city next over where they can buy the 7 bulls. They all decided unanimously that they will just go buy the 7 bulls in the next city over.

Balak finally presents the 7 rams and 7 bulls to Ballam to sacrifice.

I have just given you a picture of what might have happened at the beginning of Numbers 23... Some of the stories in the Bible, we have to speculate what happened because, they do not tell all of the details. Like this story you just read, Ballam tells Balak to sacrifice 7 rams and 7 bulls; he doesn't say how he was going to get the animals that he had to sacrifice. Just picture yourself in that situation and see where it takes you.

The rest of the story you will have to read on your own to find out what happened...

Check out Numbers 23 from www.biblegateway.com 

Are you like a Cat?

I have noticed that my cat Buttons has a mind of his own. Buttons comes to me when he is hungry, when he wants love, and when he wants to play yet ignores me when he wants to, like when I want to pet him. Yet he always comes running when I am cooking or if I give him his food.  He comes to me when he wants attention, like when he wants me to pet his long-haired fur. Many times, even in the middle of the night, he will meow to get my attention while I am asleep and wake me up, just for me to pet him.  I won't allow him on my bed, so I tend to sleepily, throw down my arm and try to find him in the darkest of night to stroke his gobs of fur.  During those times, he just starts purring as though he is content because he has made contact with me and then he will go off on his merry way. There are other times, I just ignore him because I am too tired to reach down to where he is even though he will be persistent in his meows. Sometimes I wake up with him just starring at me while sitting beside my bed.  I wonder how long he watches me.

During the day, I enjoy petting Buttons. He has this beautiful purr that touches my heart.  I like to cuddle him in my arms and pet him. I don't have children, so this is the next best thing, or is it? lol. Half of the time, he tries to jump out of my reach so I can't touch him when he doesn't want to be petted. Most of the time if he wants to be petted, he will come to me so I will pet him. I love it when he throws his body down, and lands belly up; it's my invitation to rub his belly.  Yet there are those times that he still wants to be rubbed but he will lay just far enough so I have to move closer to him so I can pet him... Even when I give him treats, at times, he will sit or lay close to me, yet far enough for me to have to reach him.  I decided he may be trying to play a game or outsmart me, so I put the treats where he has to move.  I have seen him become so lazy that he won't even get up; he will lay down while he eats his treats or food.

My cat can be a "scared-y" cat at times.  If I turn on the vacuum cleaner in the living room, he will run as fast as he can and go hide under the bed. Then when I am vacuuming the bedroom, I know he is under the bed and I know he will jump out and run to the living room.  He scares me at times when he jumps out from under the bed even though I know he will do it. It's like I know he is coming, but I never know just quite when. He hates those vacuum cleaners.

I have a recliner. I have to be careful with the recliner. Because when I pull the leverage to recline the chair, Buttons runs as fast as he can to the other room as though the recliner is alive. He is afraid of the mop, the broom, and even anyone that comes to the door. He will growl when he hears the doorbell ring.  I kind of feel sorry for the 15 lbs of fur.  I try to console him when he is afraid.

If I pet Buttons too much, he voices his complaint. If I don't pet him as much as he wants, he starts meowing even more. Yet I have learned to understand the different ways he meows to know what he wants. I know when He is hungry, doesn't want to be disturbed, when he is sick, wants attention, when he is afraid, wants to be petted, or just misses me.

The more I think about it, I realize that sometimes I am like Buttons. I go to God when I want something. I want him to nourish me, keep me healthy, and console me when I am afraid. I want him to take care of my needs and my wants when I want them taken care of.  I know there are times that I do not want to be bothered, don't want to pray, don't want to do what God wants me to do, and I even will vocalize my complaints to him. I may do everything else that I think I am supposed to do while I am in God's presence but then I realize I haven't shut off the Internet, the cell phone, Facebook,  the radio, and maybe the TV.

Today, I had to make a special effort. I turned off everything for 1 hour and had a candle light dinner with God. I realized that my mind was racing because of all the advertisements I had seen today. All the bright lights that are on the high-tech things I own felt like it was making my brain literally light up.  Then I had all these ideas running through my brain of all the to-do-lists of things like, I have to check my emails, my Facebook, my Blog, and all the other stuff I do with all these high-tech things I own and use daily. I had to keep refocusing on God and his presence.

 I realized I haven't been spending a lot of quiet time with God. I am either reading about Him, writing about Him, etc...but I haven't had quiet time with him. So again, I turned the high tech things off, and decided to spend more time with God. I decided to lay face down on the ground, and pray.  I  sensed God tell me to just keep silent before the Lord before I spoke a prayer to Him.  The only thing I heard was the buzzing sound from the air purifier in my living room. I remember thinking, wow this is so nice and peaceful as I had my head face down on the blue pillow I had on the carpet.  But then I started to think about other things.  

Like I said earlier,  it  is so easy to get consumed with all this stuff now-a-days.  I remember when I was younger, I used to just think about like what is for dinner, or what is on my to-do-lists when I would try to pray and I would have to refocus.  Yet now it seems like it is so much harder to focus on God even when praying. I try to pray through out the day when I am doing things around the house or even when I go out, I acknowledge God in my mind and heart daily.  Yet I noticed I need to get back to having more quiet times with God.

Well, there I was, I finally was refocused on God. Then next thing you know, I felt a plop. Well, if anyone could hear a plop, I could...I look up from the blue pillow that I was leaning on to find Buttons' back, right at my face.  I told you he has a mind of his own. I began to pet him, and of course, he started purring. But then I realized, I had stopped praying and lost my focus on God and started to pet Buttons.  It was then that I realized I am a lot like this cat when it comes to doing what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants to do things. It is so easy to get distracted when praying. Well, I stopped petting the pile of fluff that was in front of my face and started praying to God.  

I love Buttons so much, and I know he loves me. He knows that I will take care of him.  God loves me so much, and I love Him and yes, I know that He will take care of me. When I go to touch Buttons, I realize that God reaches out to me, just as much, and even more. When I hear Buttons purring his contentment. It reminds me that God knows how much I love him. He hears my delightful heart.  But then again, when I know Buttons is ignoring me or wanting to do things his way, it makes me realize that God knows when we ignore Him and want to do things are own way. It is hard, but I need to stop acting like a cat, and really focus my attention on my God who loves me and takes care of me just like I take care of my cat.  

All pictures where taken by Tanya Kirkendall. The cat is my baby Buttons.

About the picture of the cat in the TV: the TV is a template in my Samsung Camera.  It's a picture I took inside of a picture on the template.

The Spoon Theory; by Christine

Please read this post about "The Spoon Theory."  I didn't write it but I thought it will help you understand people who go through chronic pain, cancer, or other health issues that are hard to deal with... There are so many people with tremendous health concerns and the thing that would mean the world to them, is for you to understand them better.

A lady named  Christine Miserandino came up with this story "The Spoon Theory"  for her friends to help them understand what she goes through daily.

One of the hardest things about dealing with silent chronic illnesses that no one can see, is that people tend to not understand or don't believe the person is in pain.

I even have had a lot of people tell me that they didn't think I was in pain or felt sick all of the time because I do not look like it a lot or do not always complain about it.  They think the only time I am in pain is when I complain about it. Yet they don't realize that if I complain about it, that is usually when the pain is severe at that moment. For example: Besides Fibromyalgia (the silent illness), one of the many things I deal with is headaches. I have had headaches for 18 years; it lasts every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, and every year. Yet every now and then I might say my head hurts, but I only complain about the headache when it has increased greatly.

If you dislike it when people talk or complain about pain, then just bare with me, while you read the article please.  If you are one of those people who deal with the silent, chronic illness or pain, then you will totally understand the story. My definition of a silent illness is  having an illness that is painful with numerous problems, yet most of the time you can not tell by looking at me that I am in a lot of pain or that I have anything wrong with me. That is why I am encouraging people to read the spoon theory from But You Don't Look Sick.

This story is well written and it will mean a lot to me if you read it.... Please feel free to comment on it too. "Please take the time to read Christine Miserandino’s personal story and analogy of what it is like to live with sickness or disability. "

click on this link to read about "The Spoon Theory" : 
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

pictures and quote above are from
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

 Thank you Tanya

Do you ever wonder why?

Why do bus drivers wear seat belts and no one else in the bus does?

Why do Internet users have to pay to block porn? and why is porn free? Shouldn't it be the other way around? 

Why did the CA zoo pay millions of dollars on an elephant exhibit upgrade when there is a financial crisis and the money could have been spent else where, like on humans?

Why do athletes or movies stars get paid millions of dollars while a teacher seems underpaid?

Why does it cost so much money to deliver a baby yet to get an abortion is inexpensive?

Why do parents get notified before giving shots or birth control to a teenager, but keep it a secret when an abortion is involved?

Why do some people have "dry eye" yet they can produce so many tears (when crying)?

Why do you have to "press '1' now for English" when listening to an automated message when calling a company.  We live in the USA, shouldn't it just stay on English, and if you want another language "press 1 now."

Why is their braille on the bank's drive up window?

Why is their braille on the bathroom door? A blind person still has to search the door to find the braille, and it's not always easy to find?

Who was the first person that invented kitty litter? Was the first domestic cat's potty found in some dusty, sandy pile of tiny rocks?

Why do cans of beverages have serving sizes? Everyone knows that one person will drink the whole can.  Why don't they just say like it is, that the whole can contains 46 oz of sugar instead of 23 oz of sugar yet it is 2 servings. Just say it is one serving of 46 oz of sugar.


Why do we have middle names? Is it only to be used for when we get in trouble as a child?

There are so many "whys" in the world. What have you thought about before? Write your question in  the comment section.