My Artwork is a Good Distraction

Wow, I can't believe I haven't touched this blog since September of last year.  I have been working on artwork to keep my mind off of physical pain which is a good distraction, I might add. Yet I guess the fibro fog kicked in and I forgot about my blogging that I love to do.
I am a member of the local art gallery and try to keep myself motivated to have something brought in the gallery every 5 weeks.  There was a funny moment about my artwork, In November or December, I was feeling a little delirious and not well yet I didn't have anything new to put in the gallery. I felt very weak and wasn't in my right mind. I went through some old sketches I did in ink when I was around 13 years old and threw one in a frame. I put $25 on it and displayed it in the gallery.  It even had my assignment grade of a "B" on it and the class number....I didn't think anything of it until I got a call from the gallery saying that someone bought it...I thought "Yikes, I really didn't want to sell it because it was from when I was a kid." I did take a picture of it so I would have a copy of it but I had to reset my camera phone and it totally erased that picture amongst others. So that was bye bye picture.

EYE in the STORM

I did enter a piece "Eye in the Storm" in a photography art show. First, people were just passing my picture by, but then I started interacting with them to get them interested. It worked.  People were literally sitting on the floor trying to figure out what my picture was. It was too funny. This picture is actually of me holding a glass of water that the light of the sun made the water glisten. I thought it looked so cool, so I took a picture and put it on facebook (FB) and asked people what they thought it was.  That is when I started a game on FB called "Tanya's Picture Game," which I still do.

Pilgrimage to Zion

I also had worked on another painting "Pilgrimage to Zion" for about 4 months minus the one month I took off for Christmas. My apartment is too small to have an average size Christmas tree and work on a painting at the same time.  I finally finished it in February. It was so great to finish it, yet it was so hard to let it go when I gave it to the new owner. My paintings are kind of like my babies because I put so much time and energy into them. I also had someone ask me to restore an old photo. I have never done that before so that was fun and a new challenge.

Eucalyptus Trees

Every year for the art gallery they have a Multi Medium Mini (MMM) Art show in March. I have been disappointed each year because I haven't been accepted.  I started asking what the other artists are doing and I learned from their techniques and what equipment they use. I decided  that I really need to improve my artwork abilities and supplies. This year, being very nervous, yet I pushed through the rejection I felt in the past and entered the MMM art show, I was finally accepted into the MMM Art show this week, where the "Eucalyptus Trees" is displayed. It felt good yet I did feel bad for the ones who didn't make it in because I know how hard it is when one's work is not accepted.

I am so grateful to God that He has given me this talent that I have been working at wholeheartedly in my middle aged life. Yikes, Yes It's hard to say that I am middle aged, but it's the truth. I have been there for awhile but didn't like to admit it.  I focused on my writing abilities most of my life and took a few art classes in elementary and middle school but I didn't think I was any good, yet now to see my art abilities grow, is truly an amazing experience and I do thank God.

Here is my link to my art portfolio that I am working on continually: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1380021952284491.1073741829.100008300975340&type=1&l=07061a5251

Through the Storm

It seems like I have been doing a lot of defending God lately...there are so many people hurting and are angry at God. I tell them my story that there were times in my life that I was angry at God because He didn't heal me, he didn't take me out of the emotional or physical pain or abuse that I endured in my life and even the fact that a close friend died at an early age was hard on me.

 but I realized that God loves me unconditionally. He is always there through the hard times that I struggle. Yes I would love to be healed; Yes I would have loved to be raised in a loving family environment, and yes I would love for everything to be great... but it's not....and if it was, I wouldn't need God.

I have learned that suffering happens and is no respecter of persons. Life can be hard. But we have to deal with it and not avoid God because of the suffering. He didn't take me out of a life of pain, but he brought me closer to Him through it. He gives me strength through the suffering...He helps me help others because of it.

and He can do it for You.
So it's okay to be angry at God for a season, but then let it go. Grieve your losses and deal with what was handed to you. And cling on to God for being the ultimate Father, Friend, and Encourager you can lean on for strength.  Don't let the suffering you experience and the suffering you see others experience get between you and God.  HE DOES CARE !!!

Be Careful What you Promise to God

I was reading a book the other day and it mentioned Judges 11:30-39. So I got my old Student Bible out that was given to me around 1986 from my Sunday School Teacher. Do you ever read something in the Bible and you are surprised at what you are reading?

First we read, verse 30 and 31:

" And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord: “If you give the Ammonites into my hands,  whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the Lord’s, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering.”

That prayer may sound kind of reasonable, if you have a lot of animals in your house. Yet I couldn't or don't want to sacrifice my cat Buttons. I don't know what Jephtah was thinking when he asked that request. Maybe he was just desperate for winning. (Let's call Jephthah, "Jeph," for short.)

Let's read on in verse 32

"Then Jephthah went over to fight the Ammonites, and the Lord gave them into his hands..."

That sounds great. Jeph got exactly what he wanted from the Lord. 

Verse 34: "When Jephthah returned to his home in Mizpah, who should come out to meet him but his daughter, dancing to the sound of timbrels! She was an only child. Except for her he had neither son nor daughter."

Oh no, STOP!!! His daughter comes out of his house.That wasn't supposed to happen. I mean, Jeph, never even considered that his daughter would be the one to be sacrificed.  (I would have said, "oops, God, I made a mistake.) Remember what he said to the Lord. God, if you give the Ammonites into my hands, whatever comes out of Jeph's door, I promise I will give it in a burnt sacrifice.

Let's continue:   

"When he saw her, he tore his clothes and cried, 'Oh no, my daughter! You have brought me down and I am devastated. I have made a vow to the Lord that I cannot break.'

(I think it's sad that he seems to blame it on his daughter; she had no idea that he made a vow to the Lord.)

“My father,” she replied, “you have given your word to the Lord. Do to me just as you promised, now that the Lord has avenged you of your enemies, the Ammonites.  But grant me this one request,” she said. “Give me two months to roam the hills and weep with my friends, because I will never marry.”

“You may go,” he said. And he let her go for two months. She and her friends went into the hills and wept because she would never marry.  After the two months, she returned to her father, and he did to her as he had vowed. And she was a virgin."

Wow, what devotion Jeph and his daughter had. I think I would have liked to say, "Just because you made a vow with God, doesn't mean I have to follow through with it. BUT she went along with it. That is devotion or dedication. That's amazing, yet strange to my human eyes and ears.  I don't know what kind of sacrifice he had to make because She says that she will never marry and I guess she will remain a virgin. It seems like maybe there was another kind of sacrifice he was going to do instead of killing her. She grieves because she will never marry, not because she will die. Interesting!!!

 So I am thinking maybe the sacrifice wasn't where he had to kill the offering. Whatever it was, they were both dedicated and I hope God blessed them for it.

How many of us made a promise to God and kept it, even when it affected others? Now that's something to think about.

scripture taken from: 

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judges+11%3A30-39&version=NIV

picture of sunset by Expressive Praise, a.k.a. Tanya Kirkendall

Why Did Jesus Listen to the Demons?

In Luke 8:26-39, it says that there was a guy with many demons in him.  Jesus was about to command the demons to come out of the man. The demons begged Jesus to not have them sent to the abyss. The abyss probably meant "the bottomless pit or hell." The numerous demons begged Jesus to have them thrown into some nearby pigs.  And Jesus did it. He cast them out of the man and they ended up going into pigs that ended up going crazy. The demons went into the herd of pigs, and violently ran into a lake and drowned.....

Did you ever think of why did Jesus listen to the demons?  Why didn't Jesus cast them demons back to hell.  And what happened to the demons after the pigs died.  Demons don't die, as far as I know.  Did the demons jump into someone else's body... I don't know about you, but it kind of confuses or concerns me that Jesus listened to the demons...He did what they asked... Hmmm. Does He still do that?  I guess He knows best....actually I know He knows best... I just don't understand His ways, at times.

26" Then they (Jesus and his disciples) sailed to the country of the Gadarenes, which is opposite Galilee.  And when He (Jesus) stepped out on the land, there met Him a certain man from the city who had demons for a long time. And he wore no clothes,nor did he live in a house but in the tombs. 28 When he saw Jesus, he cried out, fell down before Him, and with a loud voice said, “What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg You, do not torment me!”29 For He had commanded the unclean spirit to come out of the man. For it had often seized him, and he was kept under guard, bound with chains and shackles; and he broke the bonds and was driven by the demon into the wilderness.

30 Jesus asked him, saying, “What is your name?”

And he said, “Legion,” because many demons had entered him. 31 And they begged Him that He would not command them to go out into the abyss.

32 Now a herd of many swine was feeding there on the mountain. So they begged Him that He would permit them to enter them. And He permitted them. 33 Then the demons went out of the man and entered the swine, and the herd ran violently down the steep place into the lake and drowned.

34 When those who fed them saw what had happened, they fled and told it in the city and in the country. 35 Then they went out to see what had happened, and came to Jesus, and found the man from whom the demons had departed, sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in his right mind. And they were afraid. 36 They also who had seen it told them by what means he who had been demon-possessed was healed. 37 Then the whole multitude of the surrounding region of the Gadarenes asked Him to depart from them, for they were seized with great fear. And He got into the boat and returned.

38 Now the man from whom the demons had departed begged Him that he might be with Him. But Jesus sent him away, saying, 39 “Return to your own house, and tell what great things God has done for you.” And he went his way and proclaimed throughout the whole city what great things Jesus had done for him."   Luke 8:26-39

Passing By?

Matthew 27:39 And those who passed by blasphemed Him, wagging their heads 40 and saying, “You who destroy the temple and build it in three days, save Yourself! If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross.”

I have read this scripture so many times, yet recently I decided to think about it more.

Jesus was dying on the cross, along with a guy on each side of him.  Then people were walking by him as he is dying...They are passing by. They are making fun of him and mocking him. Have you ever thought about this?

If I saw someone hanging on some wood, and all beat up and bloody, I wouldn't want to be near that person. If I liked the person or nor, It would be too painful to look at. I don't know, maybe because I am not used to watching people being tortured or dying a painful death like that. I wouldn't even want to watch my worse enemy die a painful death. It's just not my thing.

hmmm just saying...

Expressive Praise Art by Tanya Mae K

photo by Expressive Praise 2013

Besides creative writing, I also enjoy being an artist.  I have loved to take pictures most of my life, even when I was a child I had a C110 camera that allowed me to express myself through taking silly pictures. As an adult I have grown to love nature and I just love to capture God's beautiful creation.

I try to find new and creative ways to use my artistic ability that God gave me.  Who knew that I would be an artist?  I took art classes when I was a kid, but I never thought that I was any good at it.  My family encouraged me to write poetry and expand my creative writing skills. So I did...I so enjoy writing to this day.    It wasn't until 5 years ago, that I just wanted to try oil painting so I bought an inexpensive, miniature oil painting kit from Michaels Craft store. I bought the 99 cent one, just in case I wasn't good at it, I didn't have to worry about wasting my money. Well, the rest is history... I thank God for him allowing me to use these gifts for his glory...It's these gifts that keep me going.

I added more pictures of my artwork to my art portfolio. Please click on the link below to view them:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151605309576611&type=1&l=0c40de905e

"The Pathway" copy of oil/acrylic painting by Expressive Praise 2013

God bless, and may you discover and enjoy the gifts that God has given you...

Tanya

I am so Over the Owls

Well, today my neighbors said that the screeching owls have moved on. I had to go check it out so I peaked out the window down the hall from where I live. Yup no more screeching sounds. I loved those beautiful owls that I was able to observe for a week or two.

I looked on the sidewalk, and lo and behold, there was a creature sitting there. This brown animal's eyes were looking at me..it wasn't a cat or a dog. I couldn't tell what it was. At first I thought it was a brown owl . That is so awesome but Was it hurt? Why is it on the sidewalk?  Yet it was so cool to watch...

It looks so curious with its white face and brown body, just looking around and turning his head from side to side.. Oh I wish I had my camera.  I went and put a note on my neighbor's door and went back to the window and it was gone. I am a curious person, by nature so I had to go investigate that animal.

I forgot I had my camera phone so I got it ready and  I went downstairs as fast as I could and out the door to go see if I could get a closer look, but the animal about as big as a kitten or puppy was nowhere to be seen...

Then I moved closer to where it was originally standing, and I heard a sound as if something creaked open, then all of a sudden this beautiful brown owl flew about 100 ft away from me, but it was carrying a smaller animal...his dinner....oh gross. I immediately got nauseated and felt like I was going to puke when I saw that animal being carried away to be eaten,,,just the thought of it made me not like that owl any more...I know they have to eat, but that was too much for me to see..

As I walked back to my apartment, I had this bad taste in my mouth, and felt disgusted by the owl....as I am writing it, it's still giving me chills down my spine...I am a city girl...I don't like to think of  animals killing other animals for food....Okay I know I eat certain meats, but like I said. I am a city girl...If I had to kill it, I would be a vegetarian...

so long furry friend; I hope you had a good life.

Advertisements Galore

This Is All State Stan.

Enough said, call Fred.

Be All you can be.

We don't make it until you order it.

We make it your way.

Blue Light Specials.

Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is there.

Just Do it.

It's a whole new way to love Mc Donald's

It's not complicated, save with A.T.& T.

Pick Enterprise. We'll pick you up.

Connect More. So you can do more.

Live Claritan Clear Everyday.

Is Your Wick Trimmed?

When the candle is lit, it brings light into a dark room.
It's not the wax that makes it glow, but the wick.
The wick needs to be trimmed to get the best results.
The wick can't be too long, nor can it be too short. 
Yet the candle is stagnant without something to light it up.


We are like individual candles. 
Our body is like the wax  and our character and soul are the wick.
We need to constantly change and be trimmed so that we are more effective.
God can use us to light the room around us.



When Jesus lights your candle,
He illuminates you and makes you shine so much brighter.
Impurities start to melt and the candle takes on a new shape with the light of the wick.
It's best to make sure our wick is well trimmed and ready to shine Jesus into a dark world.





(wrote poem on 3/21/2013)

Are you like a Cat?

I have noticed that my cat Buttons has a mind of his own. Buttons comes to me when he is hungry, when he wants love, and when he wants to play yet ignores me when he wants to, like when I want to pet him. Yet he always comes running when I am cooking or if I give him his food.  He comes to me when he wants attention, like when he wants me to pet his long-haired fur. Many times, even in the middle of the night, he will meow to get my attention while I am asleep and wake me up, just for me to pet him.  I won't allow him on my bed, so I tend to sleepily, throw down my arm and try to find him in the darkest of night to stroke his gobs of fur.  During those times, he just starts purring as though he is content because he has made contact with me and then he will go off on his merry way. There are other times, I just ignore him because I am too tired to reach down to where he is even though he will be persistent in his meows. Sometimes I wake up with him just starring at me while sitting beside my bed.  I wonder how long he watches me.

During the day, I enjoy petting Buttons. He has this beautiful purr that touches my heart.  I like to cuddle him in my arms and pet him. I don't have children, so this is the next best thing, or is it? lol. Half of the time, he tries to jump out of my reach so I can't touch him when he doesn't want to be petted. Most of the time if he wants to be petted, he will come to me so I will pet him. I love it when he throws his body down, and lands belly up; it's my invitation to rub his belly.  Yet there are those times that he still wants to be rubbed but he will lay just far enough so I have to move closer to him so I can pet him... Even when I give him treats, at times, he will sit or lay close to me, yet far enough for me to have to reach him.  I decided he may be trying to play a game or outsmart me, so I put the treats where he has to move.  I have seen him become so lazy that he won't even get up; he will lay down while he eats his treats or food.

My cat can be a "scared-y" cat at times.  If I turn on the vacuum cleaner in the living room, he will run as fast as he can and go hide under the bed. Then when I am vacuuming the bedroom, I know he is under the bed and I know he will jump out and run to the living room.  He scares me at times when he jumps out from under the bed even though I know he will do it. It's like I know he is coming, but I never know just quite when. He hates those vacuum cleaners.

I have a recliner. I have to be careful with the recliner. Because when I pull the leverage to recline the chair, Buttons runs as fast as he can to the other room as though the recliner is alive. He is afraid of the mop, the broom, and even anyone that comes to the door. He will growl when he hears the doorbell ring.  I kind of feel sorry for the 15 lbs of fur.  I try to console him when he is afraid.

If I pet Buttons too much, he voices his complaint. If I don't pet him as much as he wants, he starts meowing even more. Yet I have learned to understand the different ways he meows to know what he wants. I know when He is hungry, doesn't want to be disturbed, when he is sick, wants attention, when he is afraid, wants to be petted, or just misses me.

The more I think about it, I realize that sometimes I am like Buttons. I go to God when I want something. I want him to nourish me, keep me healthy, and console me when I am afraid. I want him to take care of my needs and my wants when I want them taken care of.  I know there are times that I do not want to be bothered, don't want to pray, don't want to do what God wants me to do, and I even will vocalize my complaints to him. I may do everything else that I think I am supposed to do while I am in God's presence but then I realize I haven't shut off the Internet, the cell phone, Facebook,  the radio, and maybe the TV.

Today, I had to make a special effort. I turned off everything for 1 hour and had a candle light dinner with God. I realized that my mind was racing because of all the advertisements I had seen today. All the bright lights that are on the high-tech things I own felt like it was making my brain literally light up.  Then I had all these ideas running through my brain of all the to-do-lists of things like, I have to check my emails, my Facebook, my Blog, and all the other stuff I do with all these high-tech things I own and use daily. I had to keep refocusing on God and his presence.

 I realized I haven't been spending a lot of quiet time with God. I am either reading about Him, writing about Him, etc...but I haven't had quiet time with him. So again, I turned the high tech things off, and decided to spend more time with God. I decided to lay face down on the ground, and pray.  I  sensed God tell me to just keep silent before the Lord before I spoke a prayer to Him.  The only thing I heard was the buzzing sound from the air purifier in my living room. I remember thinking, wow this is so nice and peaceful as I had my head face down on the blue pillow I had on the carpet.  But then I started to think about other things.  

Like I said earlier,  it  is so easy to get consumed with all this stuff now-a-days.  I remember when I was younger, I used to just think about like what is for dinner, or what is on my to-do-lists when I would try to pray and I would have to refocus.  Yet now it seems like it is so much harder to focus on God even when praying. I try to pray through out the day when I am doing things around the house or even when I go out, I acknowledge God in my mind and heart daily.  Yet I noticed I need to get back to having more quiet times with God.

Well, there I was, I finally was refocused on God. Then next thing you know, I felt a plop. Well, if anyone could hear a plop, I could...I look up from the blue pillow that I was leaning on to find Buttons' back, right at my face.  I told you he has a mind of his own. I began to pet him, and of course, he started purring. But then I realized, I had stopped praying and lost my focus on God and started to pet Buttons.  It was then that I realized I am a lot like this cat when it comes to doing what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants to do things. It is so easy to get distracted when praying. Well, I stopped petting the pile of fluff that was in front of my face and started praying to God.  

I love Buttons so much, and I know he loves me. He knows that I will take care of him.  God loves me so much, and I love Him and yes, I know that He will take care of me. When I go to touch Buttons, I realize that God reaches out to me, just as much, and even more. When I hear Buttons purring his contentment. It reminds me that God knows how much I love him. He hears my delightful heart.  But then again, when I know Buttons is ignoring me or wanting to do things his way, it makes me realize that God knows when we ignore Him and want to do things are own way. It is hard, but I need to stop acting like a cat, and really focus my attention on my God who loves me and takes care of me just like I take care of my cat.  

All pictures where taken by Tanya Kirkendall. The cat is my baby Buttons.

About the picture of the cat in the TV: the TV is a template in my Samsung Camera.  It's a picture I took inside of a picture on the template.

Do you ever wonder why?

Why do bus drivers wear seat belts and no one else in the bus does?

Why do Internet users have to pay to block porn? and why is porn free? Shouldn't it be the other way around? 

Why did the CA zoo pay millions of dollars on an elephant exhibit upgrade when there is a financial crisis and the money could have been spent else where, like on humans?

Why do athletes or movies stars get paid millions of dollars while a teacher seems underpaid?

Why does it cost so much money to deliver a baby yet to get an abortion is inexpensive?

Why do parents get notified before giving shots or birth control to a teenager, but keep it a secret when an abortion is involved?

Why do some people have "dry eye" yet they can produce so many tears (when crying)?

Why do you have to "press '1' now for English" when listening to an automated message when calling a company.  We live in the USA, shouldn't it just stay on English, and if you want another language "press 1 now."

Why is their braille on the bank's drive up window?

Why is their braille on the bathroom door? A blind person still has to search the door to find the braille, and it's not always easy to find?

Who was the first person that invented kitty litter? Was the first domestic cat's potty found in some dusty, sandy pile of tiny rocks?

Why do cans of beverages have serving sizes? Everyone knows that one person will drink the whole can.  Why don't they just say like it is, that the whole can contains 46 oz of sugar instead of 23 oz of sugar yet it is 2 servings. Just say it is one serving of 46 oz of sugar.


Why do we have middle names? Is it only to be used for when we get in trouble as a child?

There are so many "whys" in the world. What have you thought about before? Write your question in  the comment section.

Enjoying Simple Pleasures.

The other day there was a post on my apartment door saying that the maintenance would be turning off the water in the building due to plumbing repairs. 
I thought, "no problemo." Yes sometimes I think in Spanish, and every now and then French, Japanese, and Thai. I am a multicultural kind of lady... I learned French in High School; Japanese in, how do you say it, oh yes, Japan. I lived there for under 4 yrs, and then I tried to learn some Thai from my Thai relatives...I can positively say, I wasn't good at learning Thai. lol Just ask my middle niece Jennifer, she would probably love to tell you the truth about me. She tried teaching me Thai several years back...

Okay so back to my story....I thought I would be okay. Since I hadn't left the house for 2 days or opened the front door; I assumed the post was for that day that just passed.  So after I read it, I wadded it up and went to my neighbor's place and threw it away. No, I don't always throw things away at my neighbor's apartment, but I was on the way to her place after I took the note off my door.

The next morning

...I had to go to the doctor and also go to a shoe store. Well, I jump out of bed to go brush my teeth, and lo and behold, there is NO water coming out of the sink...hmmm. So I try the other sink, which happens to be in the kitchen...and yup, nothing at all...then I remembered that the notice did say that the water would be off on October 16, so I check my calendar...and another "lo and behold" moment happened. Yes, you guess it, it was Oct 16.  

So I am thinking, "man I really need to freshen up and get ready for my appts, and I really could use a shower."....and then a light bulb hits my head...yes in my life, light bulbs don't hover over my head, they hit it...I then remember the "Emergency" water I have stashed in the closet...I try to keep water handy just in case of an emergency...I know in other countries this is not considered an emergency, but it is for me...

Okay so I get a pitcher, a bowl, and the gallon of water out.
I rinse my electric toothbrush, tongue cleaner, and toothbrush for my retainer.
Brush teeth; brush tongue; brush retainer.
Rinse mouth out. 
Rinse toothpaste off of toothbrushes, retainer, and tongue cleaner.

Rinse face.
Wash face. 
Rinse face again.
Cool...no problemo....I am doing good.

So now I move my pitcher, a bowl, and the gallon of water (which is no longer a gallon) to the tub.
I take an old fashioned shower with a bucket of water.
I think, "man, I put too much shampoo in my hair;" it is still too soapy...

I try to rinse hair again. I thought I put pitcher of water over head, but it just poured down the drain. I felt so bad...I need that water and what a waste...that water didn't even touch me. "Waaaaiiiiittttt, I need youuuuuuuuuu..."
Rinse hair again.

There is still shampoo in my hair...
Rinse hair again.
Water all gone...

Man, I don't have enough water to use my hair conditioner treatment. Oh well, I can survive without it today.
I usually use water to rinse tub when I am done...not to mention the drain... I guess it all can wait...

1 gallon of water, completely gone...

I have been so spoiled living in the USA...That's just 1 gallon of water gone and yet it made me think of how much water I usually use when I take a shower, wash dishes, etc...

I remember taking a Mexico trip to Tecate with the Full Service Youth from First Assembly of God church (now known as North Hills). It was hard having the well water rationed at the Orphanage that we helped, for about 5 days; not to mention the lack of plumbing for the toilets. They had around 5 porta-potties outside for us...I do have to confess though, that I did find a running toilet and used it......Thankfully I was able to help clean inside the group homes for the children, yet I saw the other youth leaders and students that I came with, arrive at our housing completely dirty from helping mix cement, or something like that, in the heat of the sun. We all needed showers so we would be fresh and clean for when we would help minister to the people out in the streets in a different part of the city. We weren't able to use the showers because the well was running dry at the time; although, they did let us use one small bucket of water, every other day. And boy, I was thankful for that. You know on that mission trip, someone told me to bring baby wipes because I could use them to freshen up...and boy do they work...I have never forgotten that mission trip about 7 years ago.

Here I am complaining about the 1 gallon of water I had to use the other day because of an inconvenience...yet it reminded me of how thankful I am for all the necessities I do have. I may not own a car or a home, but I have running water, a running toilet, plumbing, a comfy bed, electricity, food for my cat and I, a roof over my head and other things that I enjoy like painting supplies for my art work, dvds, TV, extra pillows and blankets, etc...

Thank you God for simple pleasures...and thank you God, that I live in the good USA. Please forgive me for all the times I complain. Lord, thank you!!!

p.s. To all my friends who have laughed at me for keeping "emergency" water; it came in handy...and I even had the softest hair that day without the hair conditioner.


(This was written in Oct 2012)

Just a Simple Poem about God & Me

My Lord, my God,
I learn of you
through books, church, friends, and listening to you.

My Lord, my God,
I live for you
with my heart, soul and even my mind too.

My Lord, my God,
I worship you
at church, at home, and through those songs of praise.

My Lord, my God,
I trust in you
and try to follow you in all your ways.


Thank you, My Lord and My God!
By Tanya
9/25/12  @ 1 am

Just Blogging..hmmm....Interesting!!!

Darlene Douthit drew a caricature of me

Last night when I spent my alone time with God, I started thinking about how I should be more intimate with God. I tried thinking of people in the Bible I could research who had an intimate relationship with God and I could follow their example. You may think it sounds strange to ask about who has an intimate relationship with God because some people associate intimacy with their lover or sex. I am not talking about that kind of intimacy.  


In the Webster's New World Dictionary and Thesaurus, it defines intimacy as very close or familiar; deep and thorough; and private or personal.


When I say I want an intimate relationship with God, I mean that I want a very close and deep relationship with Him.  I want to know Him more. What does God like? What does He desire for me? When one has an intimate relationship with someone, he/she will try to learn all about that person. What do they like? What are their goals or aspirations?  What are their hobbies? What do they do outside of work? Are they a Christian or are they totally against God? What is their favorite color?  What do they like to do for fun? What is their favorite meal? How do they like to spend quality time with you?  One can not learn about the other if they do not communicate to each other. 



I sometimes imagine God sitting beside me and talking to me. I try to sit still and listen to His quiet voice and then, I communicate with Him. I will tell Him things that I like about Him (praising Him) or I may share a need that I have for me or others (interceding). Other times I may just talk excitedly in my thoughts or out loud and just tell Him all the great things that are happening in my life. I know this may sound crazy because He already knows everything. Yet it's in those times that when we stop and communicate with God, that they may be the most precious moments we have with Him.  But if we are doing all the talking then we are missing out on LISTENING to HIM about HIS desires, HIS love, and HIS will. HE desires a two-way communication.


Okay, so getting back to my little Bible study I did. I desire to have a strong, intimate relationship with God.  Because I want to be as close to God as I can, I tried to think of someone in the Bible who had an intimate relationship with God. While trying to think of people, I came to the conclusion that Enoch must have had an intimate relationship with God, so here it goes.


When I first started researching information about Enoch, I did not realize that there were two of them in the Bible.  I started studying one of them in Genesis 4 and realized I was researching the wrong one. The first Enoch you hear about is the one who is the son of Cain also known as the son of Adam and Eve. Cain was not a good person because he killed his brother Abel, so therefore, his parents, Adam and Eve, had to have another son, Seth, who would be a family link from Adam to Jesus' birth.


I want to talk to you about the second Enoch that is in the Bible; this "Enoch" is the son of Jared.  First, we read in the paragraph above that Seth is a son of Adam and Eve. In Genesis 5:6 Seth had a son named Enosh and then Enosh had Kenan; Kenan had Mahalalel; and Mahalalel had Jared. When Jared was a ripe age of 162 years old, he had Enoch. Enoch was the sixth person born in Adam's line from Adam to Jesus.  So now we know that Enoch's dad is Jared. We don't know much about him except after he had Enoch, he lived 800 more years and had sons and daughters.  I wonder if he was still having children while he was at the age of 789. What kind of father was Jared to Enoch and his siblings? Were Jared and his wife strong believers in God?  Did they teach their children to serve God? How was Enoch's mom in all of this? Actually how OLD was she at the time all of her children were born and how many were there? Were they changing diapers at this old age? 


It doesn't mention the age of Enoch's mother, let alone her name. I think anyone having a husband for over 800 years deserves to be named. You know, she could have died at an earlier age after all her kids were born. We will never know, until we get to Heaven. Okay so now Jared dies at an old age of 962 years. Wow, I wonder what they used for wrinkle cream back then. Did he have a lot of people at his funeral or did he outlive his friends and family? Sometimes I think that 40-50 years on earth is a long time; I couldn't imagine living 800 more years. Wow, that just seems so long!


In Genesis 5:18-21, Enoch lived only sixty-five years before he had Methuselah. I said "only" sixty-five years because it just seems so young compared to the age his father was when he had Enoch; Jared was 162 years of age. Sixty-five years sounds like a baby when you think about that Jared died at 962 years. Any way, after Enoch had Methuselah, Enoch walked with God three hundred years and had sons and daughters within that time frame.  The Bible doesn't mention that Enoch walked with God before Methuselah so I wonder what happened in Enoch's life to get him to that point of wanting to walk with God. Was Methuselah one of those miracle babies that was going to die and they needed lots of prayer to keep him alive or did something else happen around that time?  I was thinking that he might have had some kind of encounter with God or some kind of closeness or intimacy with God. Did Enoch's parents train him to live a godly life? Maybe at one time, Enoch was living for God, but when he became a teenager or young adult at the age of 65 (lol), maybe he started living the way his parents taught him to live. We can only speculate at this time because not much is said.


In Genesis 5:23-24 "Altogether, Enoch lived 365 years.  Enoch walked with God; then he was no more, because God took him away."


Can you imagine that being in the news about you or I.  NEWS FLASH!!! "Susan lived 365 years. Susan walked with God; then she was no more, because God took her away."  I can just see the headlines now, making fun of this event or doing some kind of report on a mysterious missing person of some UFO sighting that must have abducted Susan. 


The Bible does not mention how he disappeared or how he was taken. It just says that Enoch walked with God and then God took him. Period. He's gone; The end... but why? Why did God take Enoch away?


Hebrews 11:5-6  "By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."


Can you imagine one day, your father or your husband had just disappeared? Did Enoch's wife or children get the warning ahead of time that he was leaving this earth? Did his wife look for him everywhere and were the police investigating what happened? Was there a search party for him? Was his wife or children not pleasing God like he did? Wow, he was walking with God and then poof, he's gone; because he pleased God.  Does God still take people off of this earth when they are walking with God?




What do we know about Enoch?  The only other thing I could find about Enoch was in Jude 14 where it says that Enoch prophesied. Okay, so we know that Enoch had children, a wife, and many siblings; plus he walked with God and he prophesied. That's about all we know. 


How do you think Enoch walked with God? When it says that he walked with God, I imagine him doing everything in his life he could, to please God. Are we pleasing God or are we pleasing our own earthly desires? Are we living on this earth just to fill space until it's our time to leave this earth, or are we living on this earth in doing God's will and pleasing Him.  Do we include God in our everyday life? or Are we just a Sunday Christian; do we pray and sing to God only on Sundays?

Prospect Park, Redlands, CA (photo by Teensy's Art)

I challenge you (and myself) to walk with God. Be so close to God that you can listen to His heartbeat. When you are listening for a heartbeat on a person, you have to be still and be quiet so you can hear it beat. When is the last time we heard God's heartbeat? How can we please God, our creator? We are on this earth for a reason; there is a special reason why God chose us to be born? He did not have to include you when he created people and their souls. I mean, he knew you and I would be born ahead of time. I am pretty sure God could have said, "hmm,  I know the future and in 1994, Tanya will not please me so let's not even create her soul."  Thankfully He did not do that for probably none of us would be born and He doesn't want robots serving Him.  Do you like it when people do things for you because they love it or just because they have to? Now put those thoughts and ideas into serving and pleasing God. You will be amazed how enjoyable it becomes.


Oh, I forgot to mention: about the thing of how Enoch served and pleased God and then God took him. Yes, I believe that was a special case. I can't imagine God taking everyone away who pleased Him. It was something special that God did with Enoch at that time, and hopefully in the eternal future, we will see or understand why He did that. Be free to please God; He might just bless your socks off.


Note: If you would like to read information about the genealogy of how Adam, Seth, and Enoch are in the ancestry of Jesus, read 1 Chronicles chapter 1 (refer to verse 3) and also read Luke 3:38.


Note: all scripture in this post is from the (New International Version) NIV, 1984 edition.


Remember that you can leave a comment by clicking "Post a Comment" below. It will link you to a place you can type in your name and comment. Type in your comment in the comment box. Below that you will see "Please prove you're not a robot"  and then type the two words they request in the appopriate box. You will notice it says "choose your identity." Click on "name;" type in your name. Then click on "publish your comment." Thank you.

On the Outside, Looking In

I was out of town in February so I wasn't able to attend my church; I attended another one with some relatives. I jotted down some things that I thought were interesting.

hard wooden pews with no padding (reminded me of my church days in Japan in the 80's).
Wooden floor
huge stain glass individual windows (in memory of a loved one was under each window).
huge pipe organ display
I did admire the 7 foot stainglass window by the one-toilet-bathroom.


Two young boys come down in middle aisle to light the tiered candles.
A boy in a robe comes down middle aisle, holding a huge opened Bible in which he places it in the hands of the pastor.
The Pastor places the Bible on the wooden Bible stand at the front.

Pipe Organ solo.
choir sings.
Everyone stands and re-sites something from out of the bulletin.
Everyone grabs a hymn and sings the 4 whole verses.

Then they recite this for worship. It says:
The leader says: We gather as those who want to walk with you Jesus to Calvary.
The church says: We know that it was there that you stretched out your arms of love on the hard wood of the cross that everyone might come within the reach of God's saving embrace.
The leader says: so clothe us in your Spirit, O Christ, that we, in reaching forth our hands in love, may serve you in all that we do.
The church says: May we be agents of your love, doers of your will, proclaimers of your grace, workers of your justice, servants of your peace, and missionaries in your name.


Kids come up for a little illustration with a missionary from Haiti.
The missionary does her illustration of how women carry gallons of water on their head.
Children's teacher comes up and starts speaking a blessing over kids.
Then everyone starts resiting a blessing over the children.


Anyone who has a prayer or praise report is given a microphone to speak.
Pastor then says, lets be together. So I bow my head as I assumed that meant we were to pray.
The choir starts singing, the pipe organ is playing a song.
The Pastor prays for all the needs then the church immediately says the Lords Prayer.
As soon as we say amen, the choir sings a verse.

Then the golden offering plate comes my way and it's so heavy I help a lady carry it to the next person who is on our same pew.
The plate is brought to the front and we all say a prayer over it (which is on power point).
After the missionary speaks again, immediatlely everyone stand to their feet and sings another hymn.

The pastor starts preaching and then everyone sings a song while the 3 young boys in robes come up the aisle again. This time the boy gets the open Bible from the pastor's hands and the the young boys all in robes snuffs out the candles. All three boys go down the middle aisle along with the pastor and missionary right behind them.
We are still singing. Then everyone says a loud AMEN.

Even though I was a little confused of when to recite things, sing, or stand up, or sit down, I am glad for the experience. It was very interesting, and I have to admit, I did do a lot of chuckling. It was a lot different then what I am used to.

All end with a quote from The Missionary:
"Every human being is a human being."

They also said: we got to GO where we got to GO and DO what we got to DO.

Saying Goodbye

I am saying goodbye to the American dream I once dreamed. The one where you have a husband, 2.3 kids, a home. The dream where you are a full-time mommy or have a full time job out of the house (or both). The American dream where you have enough finances to take care of your family, a vehicle, the housing expenses, and whatever else life throws at you. I am saying goodbye to good health and to wellness. This is the American Dream I have never experienced, and may never will. I am not saying goodbye to the fact it may never happen. I am saying goodbye for the losses in my life that I never knew in my past and I am opening the doors to new opportunities.

I say goodbye to my precious children I thought I would have many years ago. I say good bye to your laughter, the changing of your diapers, to the sleepless nights of hearing you cry for food or to be held. I say goodbye to bringing my newborn baby home with me. I say goodbye to seeing you as a baby grow into the toddler years. I say goodbye to watching you as you have your hands into everything, like the pots and pans you discovered in the lower cabinet. I say good bye to your giggles, to the new discoveries you would have found, and to all the endless hours I would have spent teaching you about life and God.

I say goodbye to the tears in your eyes that I would have wiped away or to the scrapes and cuts I would have kissed. I say goodbye to your tearful first day of school to your day of graduation. I say good bye to your accomplishments, talents, and fun you would have had.

I say goodbye to your teenage years. I say goodbye to the nights I would have felt your heartache of your broken relationships that you would have encountered. I say goodbye to helping with your homework night after night and also say goodbye to the times I would have had to discipline you. I say goodbye, my dear children for the love I would have given you and the love you would give me in return.

I say good bye to your joys, your sorrows, your happiness, your frustrations, your sadness, and your excitements, my dear little ones, that you would have experienced. I say goodbye to you my dear children.

I say goodbye to the husband of my younger years. I say goodbye to the wedding I thought I would plan and even to the honeymoon you might have planned. I say goodbye to the times we would get to know each other and I say goodbye to even the frustrations of marriage. I say goodbye to the countless years we would have spent together loving each other and worshipping God together. I say goodbye to the arguments, joys, disappointments, excitements, and the frustrations we would have experienced together over and over again. I say goodbye to you as a godly father to my children and a godly husband to me. I say goodbye to your love, your friendship, and to the nights you would have slept by my side. I say goodbye to the times you would be at work when I wished you were at home and I say goodbye to the times you were at home and I wished you were at work. I say goodbye to our love. I say goodbye, my dear husband.

I say goodbye to good health. I say goodbye to all the years I would have not spent at the doctors office. I say goodbye to energy, pain free days, great health, and wellness. I say goodbye to feeling well, vibrant, and healthy. I say goodbye to good health.

As I have written my goodbyes, I say hello to more opportunities that God will give me and I will experience. I had to say goodbye to the American Dream that has made me sorrowful for many years of not experiencing it. I say goodbye to the American dream that people have lived if they liked it or not. I say goodbye. I look forward to the things in life that may change my life forever. I look forward to the time of spending more time with God. I look forward to the hopes and new dreams that God puts on my heart. I look forward...

Another Day, Another Blog

Do you ever feel frustrated? Well I have been a bit frustrated with things that are in my life, yet out of my control. Sometimes certain circumstances happen, and you can't do anything about them except maybe pray. I seem to always flunk the test of my emotions when bad circumstances happen and I can't seem to shake it off.

Yesterday I felt I better do some active physical work or I am going to explode. I didn't know anyone who would want to pick up my pieces if I exploded, so I thought I better act fast. I went outside just to water my plants, but then I decided to rake the leaves in my front yard. Hey, I could have thought that I don't have to do this because it's not my house; I just rent a room and my room mate usually hires someone to do her yard work, so he could do it. Yet I didn't do this for my roomie; I did this for me and a feeling that God wanted me to do it.

I joyfully grabbed a rake and made some piles of leaves. Yes, It had to be God in on it, because me picking up a rake is not usually a joyful thing. Wow, I began to realize that I hadn't raked leaves since my family was in the Air Force in 1988. After my family left Texas, I mostly lived in Apartments from then on, except for my last roomie; and she hired a gardener also.

Anyway, I found it very therapeutic to rake up the leaves and reorganize my many potted plants. As I raked, I felt the tension ease off of my shoulders and seem to have fallen onto the big piles of multicolored leaves. My neighbor across the street was joking with me and said that Hell must have frozen over because I was working in the yard. I told him that IT DID. LOL -I can smile about it.

I knew that this little project I was working on wouldn't make anybody happy except for myself and that is all that mattered. As I moved the leaves, I began to see new green grass. That little carpet of grass made me smile and I guess the dogs forgot there was grass, because when they saw it, they began to enjoy it. I am glad that God was the creator of things. Because just moving the leaves to the side had uncovered the beautiful, fresh baby grass that was underneath. Just a hint of grass made me think about how God is always there. Even in the things that we don't understand, he is always there. When life throws punches, he is always there. When people are hurtful or circumstances aren't so great, he is always there.

I knew that the energy and strength it took for my weakened muscles would knock me for a loop and increase my fibro symptoms, if I did the raking, but I didn't care because it was a chance to feel God's love at work. Who would have known that raking leaves would make me feel more loved by God?


Then today I noticed I was feeling frustrated again. I thought, "I have got to get this out of my system." Yesterday's physical labor was therapeutic for me, and today I need it again. I decided to take a long walk.

As I walked to the freeway and back,I remembered the days when I was a wee little one, much smaller than I am now. There was nothing to be concerned about. It was an adventure in those days. I didn't have a care in the world, I just ate, slept, went to school, and played and played and played. Life was good, well as good as I thought it could be. I even thought that the abuse I experienced was how it was supposed to be, so everything was as good as I thought it could be. I didn't know any different.

I didn't have to worry or be concerned about paying bills, having a place to live, deciding who to vote for during campaigns, didn't have to think about jobs or illnesses or health care. I lived my life in a carefree way and my little life was dependent on my parents, their love, their care for my food, clothes, and shelter. They dressed me they way they wanted, I ate what they wanted, I lived where they lived, I went where they went.

God knows me; he seems to help me through many things that don't seem quite fair or that do not make sense. Like being in "too much pain" to not be accepted into the Chronic Pain Clinic, or being the hardest patient to many doctors because of the many chronic and silent illnesses I have, or being denied "low income housing" because of not making enough money. I don't understand all the crazy or disappointing things in my life, yet I know God does and he allows us to go through them. I almost always learn something from the circumstances in my life, yet I do not always like it, that's for sure and I do not learn fast.

I used to take many things for granted. Like just waking up and moving forward through out the day or walking in a straight line (I hope I never have to do the drunk driving test. First of all I don't drink, and 2nd I can't walk in a straight line. how do you spell vertigo? lol, oh yah, being with out a car needs to be presented too). Then there's that thing called thinking clearly. I took for granted the knowledge I could retain before I was knocked in the head 15 yrs ago. Getting up and feeling well enough to walk and get ready for church, is another. I never thought in all my years, that I would be in a position where pain was too great to get up. I took all those minor childhood to 20- somethings pains for granted, if that's possible.

Before I was ill many years ago, I didn't think about how I would get anywhere, I just went. I didn't think about the consequences of eating certain food, I ate everything (yes, even ask my family. I ate everything except seafood. I was the "Mikey of the house.") Things are different, the world spins faster, and time is challenging. Circumstances come, Circumstances go, and you learn from them. May God help us all.