What Do You Smell Like?

I was reading a devotion today about being the fragrance of Christ as in 2 Corinthians 2:14-15 and my brain starting thinking about how we smell like Christ.

"Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place. For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing." 2 Cor 2:14-15


When you smell something, it can make you feel good or bad. How do you feel when you smell a skunk? Do you want to cuddle with that skunk, and spend hours with that skunk? Do you want to make that skunk your indoor pet? Does the skunk bring you great memories? Do you want to smell like the skunk? Do you want to be like the skunk? If you do any of these, I can find you a counselor. lol.

Now, how do you feel when you smell a bottle of nice perfume or a blossoming flower? Do they make you feel good? Do you want to be around them? Do you want to dab the perfume on you or add a bouquet of flowers to your home? When you take a deep breath, does it makes you feel good and warm on the inside? (Well, it does for me).

We (as believers in God) are the fragrance of Christ, to God. When we are in Christ and Christ is in us, we tend to be like him.  We may start looking like him, smelling like him, and doing the same things that he does. I don't mean that we will end up being more hairy, sweaty, or taller. I mean, our spirit will begin to change. Our character will change. Our soul will change. We may even have a glow on our face. We will be more Christ-like.

Are you striving to be more like Christ? Are you spending quality time with God? Remember, we have the opportunity to spread out this fragrance of Christ to everyone we meet. 




scripture from NKJV

pic by  tk Expressive Praise

What You See is NOT Always What You Get

Okay, when you look at me, what do you see? I am not talking about the pretty brown hair, God created me with, or the eyes that change colors of green or blue. I am not even talking about the artist that I am or the fact that I am a Christian.  When you see me, what do you see?  Do you see the physical pain I am in? Some people get tired of hearing about it, but they don't live with what I do. They don't live in this painful body that is covering my soul and spirit.  They talk to me, and then go on their merry way to work, the store, school, or even church and forget about it, while I am trying to live with what was given to me.

Some pains can be obvious if one is in a cast, has a wheel chair, or is limping on one leg. Most people understand these kinds of people. They move out of their way for them. They let them go first in line.  The bus driver makes sure the ramp on the bus is down especially for them. People even have more compassion when they walk in the crosswalk, wait in line at the store, or use a handicapped placard.

When I tell people what I deal with, their immediate reaction is, "Well, you don't look sick." -or- "You look well"  -or- "You look pretty" as though pretty people can not have health issues. -or- "but you look so young." Yes, I am a young one, or um, actually I am not even a young adult anymore, but I look young. Just because someone "looks well" doesn't mean they are.  It's like just because you see or don't see something, doesn't mean it's what you think it is. Have you heard of, "don't judge the book by it's cover?"  What you see, is not always what you get.

Well, for those of you who don't know what I have or deal with including Fibromyalgia, this is just a glimpse of it all.  So when you are lying in bed about to have a restful sleep, or about to go to work, or enjoy fun filled time and adventure, please remember to pray for those of us who have the silent illnesses that you just don't see. Remember just because you can't see pain, doesn't mean the horrible pain we deal with, is not there...Okay here is just a glimpse of what "I" deal with:

      My eyes have gray spots in my vision causing confusion of what I see or what appears to be blind spots, but when doctors do the tests, they can't find the blind spots. Doctors can't seem to figure out what's wrong with my vision. I also get visual migraines at times. It's the migraines without the pain that affects my eyes. 

 My feet problems are no joke. I have about 6 things wrong with my feet. It hurts when I walk; hurts when I wear shoes. It seems so complicated.

My head has a mind of it's own (and hopefully it's mine. ha ha). There's the chronic headaches that lead to migraine-like headaches. They affect my Vision, Thinking Process, and Comprehension. Plus   headaches shoot pain throughout my body. I have had a headache for over 18 years and it doesn't go away.

My jaw is a mess. It hurts to do any jaw movement and I am not even talking about the muscles in the mouth or the muscle spasms in the jaw joint. I have extreme joint pain. There is the  Degenerative Joint disease, degenerative arthritis plus the torn disks.  My jaw is no longer in alignment and is not Asymmetric-- (It's longer on one side of jaw than the other) because of all the jaw problems I have encountered. The doctor said when I open my mouth, I am basically injuring one side of my jaw, and when I close my mouth, I am injuring the other side.  How often do we eat, sing, chew, drink, sip, talk, hum, or open and close our mouth in a day? Too many times for me to voice it out.

I have excellent and heightened hearing which is why I wear ear plugs; yet I can't always decipher what people say to me. High pitch sounds are the worst for me. Everything seems to echo in my ears.

Neck: Have knots in neck accompanied with muscles spasms; All vertebras, except one, are in incorrect position. Have arthritis in back of neck causes burning pain.

        

Vertigo (dizziness, Unbalance, unsteady feeling with nausea that lasts from 5 minutes up to 3 months.

Then there is the Myofascial pain syndrome, the chronic pain syndrome, and the fibromyalgia. I have painful muscle spasms from head to toe all the time, yet sometimes it gets worse. Just walking causes extreme pain.

Skin hurts; just wearing clothes especially waist bands make it hurt more (and yes I wear clothes all the time. lol). Skin feels like it's burning and/or itching and yet at other times it feels like bugs crawling all over my arms and legs. Believe me, it's a weird sensation. It even hurts to touch, but please don't stop giving me hugs. Just don't give me the kind that are squeezable. If I accidentally bump something lightly, it causes excruciating pain and may even leave a bruise.

If you see me with a sweater, I am not necessarily cold. I have to put something over my skin when the air conditioner or breeze is on me because the pain may increase.  Yet please don't assume that I want the air conditioner off because I am temperature sensitive.  If it's too hot, I can't handle it either.

There are "tender points" in my body when touched, rubbed, or bumped wrong and can cause me to want to cry out. I tend to be lightheaded so I end up bumping into things easily so I can cause even more pain without meaning to.          

There are times I have unusual things happen like every once in a while, I will have sharp pain in my chestwall that hurts when I take a breath. I try not to be vocal but when it happens, I tend to cry out.  Other times, certain parts of my body will become numb.

There is the forgetfulness, the short term memory, the fibro fog, the words get twisted when I speak...And if I have a pen and paper out, please do not discourage me of taking notes, because I will forget something important if I don't.  Please don't assume that if you can remember it that I will.

My energy is depleted. It is hard to stand up sometimes because the body gets so worn out from fighting the battling war of pain.  If I hang out, go to the movies, go to church, or just take a walk, I may have to rest awhile to gain my energy back and calm the muscle spasms.

Sleep: What is it? I haven't slept well on a regular basis in 17 years.  There are times I do end up in bed for many hours because I either have excruciating pain where I can't move or I finally am getting some rest after many days or weeks without adequate sleep.

 My Hands and fingers hurt even when I write or type. That is why my beautiful handwriting turned sloppy.  My hands are often swollen so   I tend to drop things all the time.  The finger tips even have sharp pain, at times. Nails tend to be brittle. If I grow my nails long, my finger tips hurt even more.

Restless leg syndrome is a new one for me. My legs and arms jerk, move when trying to sleep. plus I have electricity like pain shooting in legs at times. I don't know what causes it though.

My body hurts and is inflamed when weather, barometric pressure, or temperature changes or if there is moisture in the air.  That's when fire-burning pain all over body, is common.  It also feels like my head swells and can't handle the brain it's carrying. No, I don't have any tumors or cancers or even blood pressure problems. All of those have been ruled out many times. Please don't get mad if I sit, or stand, or lean against the wall, or do all three within minutes because I am just trying to get comfortable. On my good days, I feel like I have the flu without the fever. I may be nauseated, very achy and have lack of energy.  Exercising even makes it worse. 

I do have food sensitivity. Most foods are bothersome to my body and I can't eat them. Have to read labels before I eat anything. Even when I have changed my way of eating to healthier foods, I still feel sick. Yet I notice I do feel worse when I eat enriched, bleached and sweetened foods.  Most supplements, meds, etc...trigger reactions and symptoms in my body.  Even allergy injections caused problems for me.  Then there are those times that I eat something, and within 15 minutes I look like I am 6 months pregnant. I can say, it is very embarrassing.

Even though I have many other health problems, I am not going to mention all of the other ones. I will leave that to the doctors.

If you actually hear me complain that I am in pain, realize that I am always in pain, and that I always have a headache. If you hear me actually voice the complaint, than it's way worse than the normal pain I deal with.  Just to function on a normal basis, I have to take Epsom salt baths, cold/hot packs, and get neck and back adjustments just to be able to function. These are what helps me out some. It doesn't take the pain away; it just takes the edge off.  
oh and by the way, I have to totally lean on God. Hey, even Jesus cried out when he was hurting.

So give me a hug, but not a crushing, squeezing one. Give me a high five but don't slap it hard. It's okay to pat my back but don't slam your fist or hand on my back and don't slap me a hello on my shoulder. It hurts too much. Hey we all need that physical touch, but some of us need it a little softer.

Please remember your friends with debilitating chronic pain, they do need your encouragement, understanding, and help.  Plus if you believe in the true God, please say a little prayer. Knowing people are praying for me gives me encouragement.  God bless..

this post is dedicated to all my fibro buddies...

-picture by Tanya Mae K (Expressive Praise) 2013

Update on Moore and OKC Oklahoma TORNADOS

An update from what I know from Moore and Oklahoma City Oklahoma, thank God that my mom and several families I know over there, are safe.  They did go through some scary storms and tornadoes at the beginning of the week.  My mom's close friends lost their home, yet thankfully the family of 6 is all okay. Please keep the Hock family in prayer, along with the other families who lost their homes, and especially the ones who lost a family member in the devastation  They, among others, have had to go to their property to see what they could salvage. Yet even then some of the stuff is getting ruined because of the rain that's been going on and off the last couple of days.

Out of the family of six, who left for the day. The father went to work, 2 girls went to school, and the mom was home, on her day off, with her older daughter and older son.  They were all in different places, and thankfully they all are alive.  Connie, who is the mother of the lady of the house was actually going with my mother Donna to her doctor's appointment.  They both heard on the car radio that a tornado was coming so she was able to call her husband and her daughter to take shelter.  Thankfully, they heard, because their family was able to go for safety.  Thankfully my mom and Connie were okay too.


Please pray for the people in Oklahoma.  Even though they are grateful to be alive, some may be teary eyed, still shaken up, but some people, it might not have even hit them yet that they lost everything, including their home. They may be in shock.  A lot of them may go through the grieving process, because it's hard when you lose a lot. They have to start over. Think of the things we use daily; they lost all that in their homes. Some of them even lost their cars. The Hock family had 2 cars ruined by the tornadoes. Their two dogs are alive yet one of them was injured in the tornado that ripped through the house. He may have to get stitches.

Three of the members in the Hock family were going to rough out the tornado in the bathroom or a closet, because that is what you do over there when you don't have an expensive storm shelter.  YET at the last minute, there neighbor came home and let them go in their shelter.  
When they got out of their neighbor's shelter, they stepped out to find their house had flattened except for 2 rooms.  Even in those two rooms, they might not be able to wear the clothes or use the other stuff because the tornado shot the windows out, so glass and wood splinters may have stuck in the clothes.

The next day when they were looking through their rubble, they found the guinea pig's cage flattened. They probably thought the worst. Yet while they were looking through the stuff, out comes the guinea  pig from under the couch...He was alive...for the 10 year old who owns that guinea  pig, that probably brought joy to her heart. It brings a tear to my eye. If that guinea pig could talk, he would probably tell them a wild ride he had.


I did talk to Krystal on FB who just moved from San Bernardino 3 months ago to Oklahoma; she used to go to North Hills church.  She sounded a little shaken up but her family is okay. Thankfully her family was in a storm shelter. The tornado didn't touch their house. Thank God, They are okay.

The families in  Moore and OKC need a lot of items since they are having to start all over...if you have it in your heart, please send your money donations to a trusted site like the American Red Cross.  http://www.americancrossroads.org/.  I know this is a little more closer to my home since my mom and friends live there, but if you can give any donation, the people in OK would really appreciate it...and yes, they do appreciate your prayers.



Thank you...Tanya

"A Glimpse of Fibromyalgia" and other silent illnesses (Poem and Painting)

May is Fibromyalgia Awareness month. 

I seem to have two unwanted cement blocks tightly against each temple of my face.  The pressure is so great, yet I am thankful it doesn't scrape my skin. There are drills on each side of my face, pointing toward my jaw joints. Every time I move, the drill automatically turn on, and make gaping holes in my joints. I try to escape, but I cannot unlock the heavy chains gripping my wrists. With any little movement, each cement block becomes tighter against my head, and the chains, wrapped around my wrists, rip the skin on which it sets.  

                                                           

My fingernails are ripped off, one by one; they bleed and scream out for help.

There is a huge granite rock laying heavily on the top of my head, that I cannot lift off. It causes great pressure beyond my control; I cannot move.

I try to straighten my back, but the rigged, metal plate against it, keeps me from doing so. My feet are tied together; they are useless when trying to travel to my social life. They can't even walk me out of this miserable pain, which has a hold of me daily.                                                  

Sweat drips off my brows causing my eyes to burn. I am unable to see well; everything is such a blur. Words, I have learned, were either erased or jumbled in my brain; things are so unclear and foggy.There seems to be no relief with this horrible life of pain. Bad reactions, tackle my stomach upon everything I consume.  My ears and head pounds with each sound that life makes. Nothing seems to help it; for life is never silenced, in my world.  The weight and heaviness of my legs, add to the turmoil in my body. They scream for mercy, but none is granted. They try to hold me up, but are unsuccessful. I am not comforted by the breeze that passes by. I wish all this pain would go away.                                                                                      

                                        

I cry out to Jesus, my Lord and Savior, to rescue me from all this haunting pain. He acknowledges me, and tells me that He understands how I feel. I look up with my weary eyes into the face of God; I am able to feel peace seep into my soul.The metal against my back grows cooler, soothing my aching body. I am comforted by the coolness of the cement, soothing some of the pain in my temples and face.                                                                                                                                      Even though God hasn't take this pain away, I feel a little more strengthened. I am able to stand taller, straighten my posture, and keep on moving forward.  I am not out of this life of pain, although, I do feel a little more at ease.  I thank God for helping me as I endure this excruciating life of chronic pain.                                                                                      

                                                                         


By Expressive Praise (Tanya Kirkendall) 

poem 2006 (revised 2013)                                                                                                                                                     

Copy of acrylic painting 2013

This Painting is dedicated to all those who suffer with Fibromyalgia, excruciating Chronic Pain, and any other silent illnesses.  It's especially dedicated to my old and new fibro buddies (my fibro brothers and sisters). May God give us hope for a healing, yet give us daily strength to endure the bodies that we have while we are waiting. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

For more information on these topics, check out these links:

The National Fibromyalgia Association 


But You Don't Look Sick 


National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases 


Note: the three links above are by other authors. They are not mine, I am just promoting them.

Ask, and You Will Receive???

I have heard so many people quote this scripture:  "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."   (John 14:14)

So that means whatever is in this world I can have, right?  Isn't that what people are saying?

"Dear Jesus,
I want 1.2 million dollars (to start out with),
an awesome husband,
some well-behaved children,
no more pain,
a mansion in CA,
a beach house in Hawaii,
my private plane with a 1000 ft swimming pool in it,
a house on the sun (without being scorched),
a grocery store where everything is free,
"the go transportation" (I go wherever I am thinking. If I want to go to Japan. I think "Japan" and I arrive a second later),

and I would like to eat whatever I want without any health issues attached to it. Like for instance, I want right now: a monster hamburger as big as a building, a 100 oz chocolate shake, and a big house full of curly fries. and I also want 200 oz. of Dr. Pepper and 100 lbs of brownies. So God, you said that you would give me anything I want. This is what I want; I am waiting."

Do you really believe that God wants to do that? Do you really think that He WILL give you everything that you specifically ask for? I really doubt it; actually I know it won't happen. Let's look at the scriptures right before John 14:14.

"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."John 14:12

If you live for God and do what He wants, than you have the mind of Christ.  Having the mind of Christ is like wisdom to decid what is best for your life. The list I made above is not real. Those things will not happen, some of them are totally impossible.  Well, actually some of them might happen. 

But for the most part, I know in my personal life what God wants for me because I want what is best for him. It's easy to get caught up in the "wanting from God" stages of your life...Yet knowing you are doing God's will is awesome.
 I know, there are days that I have a pity party and want to be healed NOW, ASAP. Yet I know that God is using me to help encourage others around the world because of the suffering I have been through.  If people will reach out to God, or think about God more, or accept Him as their savior, then this suffering is worth it.

^{John 14:13  says"} And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."  

Would God be glorified if I had a mansion or 1.2 million dollars?  Probably at first, but then I don't think I would feel I needed him, so I might just toss him to the side. I hate to say it, but it's probably true, for me. God will do things in His name, if He will be glorified.  Just because we think he may be glorified through a situation, doesn't mean that it's true either.  

The scripture says: ask and you will receive.  It doesn't say ask and you will receive the exact same thing you are asking for.  God may bless you in other ways, instead of maybe getting that healing you wanted, or that job promotion, you thought you needed; he may bless you in another way. If we stay in tune with him, he will do what is best for us.

A lot of you know that I have a tremendous list of health issues that affect my daily living.  I pray and hope for a miracle, but I also do what I can to glorify God, through all that I am going through.  If I can touch people's lives through writing my experiences on a blog, talking to people around the world on the Fibromyalgia support group on Face Book, or painting a picture to give awareness to God or the pain I go through to bring awareness to mine and other's needs, than this is best for my life, at this moment.  This is God's will for me, for now.

^"these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.  What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.”   1 Corinthians 2: 10-13

p.s. I don't want all that I requested in the list at the top of the page. ha ha lol

(picture by Expressive Praise-Tanya Kirkendall)

Fibromyalgia Poem...What We Deal With. (please read if you or someone you know has fibromyalgia or any chronic pain)

Fibromyalgia is no doubt a pain.
You may feel like you are going insane.
Your skin hurts to touch
Your brain is not alert, that much.
The pain is so intense and excruciating everywhere,
and even your skin feels like it's crawling and hard to bear.

The vision is blurred, doubled, or even spotted
and the neck and back muscles, are all knotted.
Your head may hurt and feel like it will explode;
the pressure is so intense and feels like a huge load.
Your brain is so numb, unclear, and foggy
and if you didn't sleep well, you may be groggy.

Pain in the hands and feet increase when the weather changes
and runs through the body in different ranges.
Then there is the snap, crackle, and pop of the TMJ jaw syndrome
and it's even affected by the food you intake, from going out or eating at home.
We don't know what a good night sleep is all about
and it's hard to handle and not focus, no doubt.

The skin may itch all over your body and all you want to do is scratch,
and your immune system is lower, so sickness, you may catch.
The muscles spasms are no laughing matter;
they make everything worse, even the bladder.
Then there are the sensitivities to food, allergies, meds, and more.
Sorry if all these many symptoms, to you, are a bore.
But this is what we deal with on a regular basis
and we try to be our self and put on different faces.
We try to smile, yet there are days that it hurts to even do that.
Then there is the IBS that causes bloating and make us look pregnant or fat.
It is so embarrassing at times, with all that we have to put up with
and people say Fibromyalgia is all in our head, but that's such a myth.


We just want people to believe in us
and not to make a huge fuss.
We so want to live a regular life without pain
yet our daily challenges keep our energy drained.
So please take us seriously, we have feelings too.
Stand with us when we are happy or feeling blue.
Encourage us, pray for us, and help out when you can.
We need your support, your love, and to be our big fan.
Cheer us on, encourage us, so we don't feel alone,
by emailing, texting, visiting, or calling on the phone.


We appreciate all the encouragement we can get
yet if this is too much for you to handle, don't fret.
But PLEASE do not minimize what we go through,
because everyday it feels like we have the flu.
Think of going through body aches, weakness, and of the worst cases.
Well, that is what we deal with and even more, on a regular basis.



Fibro buddies, keep your chin up and breathe in fresh air;
Look up into the sky, and remember someone does care.
There is the God of the Heaven who knows what you go through.
He knows when you are having a hard time and feeling blue.
He has an unconditional love for you, He wants to share.
Acknowledge Him because He loves you and does care.
I (Tanya) totally understand what you all go through
because I have a list of health issues along with Fibromyalgia too.

Poem By Tanya Kirkendall

4/1/2013 (12 am)

(all pictures are from photobucket.com)

The Spoon Theory; by Christine

Please read this post about "The Spoon Theory."  I didn't write it but I thought it will help you understand people who go through chronic pain, cancer, or other health issues that are hard to deal with... There are so many people with tremendous health concerns and the thing that would mean the world to them, is for you to understand them better.

A lady named  Christine Miserandino came up with this story "The Spoon Theory"  for her friends to help them understand what she goes through daily.

One of the hardest things about dealing with silent chronic illnesses that no one can see, is that people tend to not understand or don't believe the person is in pain.

I even have had a lot of people tell me that they didn't think I was in pain or felt sick all of the time because I do not look like it a lot or do not always complain about it.  They think the only time I am in pain is when I complain about it. Yet they don't realize that if I complain about it, that is usually when the pain is severe at that moment. For example: Besides Fibromyalgia (the silent illness), one of the many things I deal with is headaches. I have had headaches for 18 years; it lasts every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, and every year. Yet every now and then I might say my head hurts, but I only complain about the headache when it has increased greatly.

If you dislike it when people talk or complain about pain, then just bare with me, while you read the article please.  If you are one of those people who deal with the silent, chronic illness or pain, then you will totally understand the story. My definition of a silent illness is  having an illness that is painful with numerous problems, yet most of the time you can not tell by looking at me that I am in a lot of pain or that I have anything wrong with me. That is why I am encouraging people to read the spoon theory from But You Don't Look Sick.

This story is well written and it will mean a lot to me if you read it.... Please feel free to comment on it too. "Please take the time to read Christine Miserandino’s personal story and analogy of what it is like to live with sickness or disability. "

click on this link to read about "The Spoon Theory" : 
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

pictures and quote above are from
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

 Thank you Tanya

Oh No Lord, Can I Start Over?

Have you ever done something that you wished you had not done? Have you wished you could go back in time to erase what you did, and then start over and do the right thing? Have you done something that even people said that you might do if you stay on the path that you are on, but you didn’t listen to them? And you ended up doing the exact thing that you denied you would do? Boy, I have. Sometimes, I so wish I could go back in time, and change all of my mistakes or sins I have committed, and make everything right.

That’s what happened to Peter. No, I am not talking about your neighbor who cut you off while you were trying to park your car. I am talking about the Peter who was Jesus’ disciple in the Bible and was also his friend.  If you read Matthew 26:31-75, you will find that Jesus tells Peter that Peter will deny Jesus three times and then the rooster will crow. I can picture Peter thinking, I am his friend; I would never do such a thing. Never. Not even once. How could he think that I would ever deny him, my friend and master, three times? I feel hurt that he would feel that way. In the NIV Bible, it replaces the word deny for disown. Can you imagine any worse thing than to deny or disown Jesus? Jesus says that Peter will disown him THREE times. That same day, Jesus takes the disciples to Gethsemane where Jesus prays and his so called friends and disciples fall asleep. Then a little bit later, Jesus is arrested in that garden.

Now Jesus is before the Sanhedrin, which is the highest Jewish court in Roman times. The Sanhedrin say that Jesus is worthy of death. So as you can see, this is an intense meeting. He gets convicted and the result will be the death penalty, but He hasn't done anything wrong. Even though Jesus is God, he came down in human form. He knows what pain and sadness is. He could really use some friends right about now. Peter is in the courtyard listening to what the Sanhedrin are saying when he does the unthinkable. People start approaching him and asking him if he knew Jesus and was he a follower of Jesus. He says “no,” not once, not twice, but three times.” The rooster starts crowing and Peter remembers what Jesus had told him earlier. Peter feels horrible. He had done the exact thing Jesus said he would do. He denies Jesus three times. I can imagine him running to hide his face while weeping profusely until his eyes are blood shot and swollen.  I can see him replaying over and over and over the denials of Jesus, the rooster crowing, and the words Jesus had spoken to him earlier that day. His heart aches. The story doesn’t end there.  

Jesus dies and on the 3^rd day he resurrects. He doesn’t go to Heaven right away.  In John 21, Simon Peter and his friends go fishing. They catch absolutely nothing. Not even a teeny, tiny sardine. The next morning, a man stands at the shore and tells the guys to cast their nets on the right side of the boat. So they probably thought, “Well it wouldn’t hurt.” So they did it. The next thing you know is that the net is filled to capacity of fish. Not just any fish, large fish and 153 to be exact. At this time, all of them realized that the man was their Lord, Jesus. They all go to Jesus and have breakfast of fish and bread with Him. Remember, Peter had previously disowned Jesus three times. Jesus could have thought, “You know Peter, you are not invited because when I needed you the most, you denied even knowing me.” But Jesus didn’t; he includes him for breakfast. He talks with him. He fellowships with him.

John 21:15, Jesus asks Peter three times, “Do you love me?”

Jesus: “...do you truly love me more than these?”

            Peter: “Yes Lord. You know that I love you.”
            Jesus: “Feed my lambs.”

            Jesus: “...do you truly love me?”

            Peter: “Yes Lord, you know that I love you.”
            Jesus: “Take care of my sheep.”

            Jesus: “...do you love me?”

            Peter: “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
            Jesus: “Feed my sheep.”

After the third time that Jesus asked him the question, Peter is feeling frustrated. He’s probably thinking, “Lord, you know that I love you; why do you keep asking me. I totally love you undeniably.” But remember before Jesus was executed, Peter denied him three times.  Maybe Jesus is counteracting the fact that Peter denied him three times, so he asks Peter how much does he really love him, and reinstated him.  Not only does Jesus forgive him, he spends time with him, and reinstates him. No, the story doesn’t even end there.

 Jesus could have said, “you know Peter, you denied me three times, I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” But he doesn’t do this. He includes him with all the disciples each time Jesus appears to them before he goes to Heaven. He even allows Peter to be there during the “Great Commission” in Matthew 28:16-20. This is where Jesus tells the disciples, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations...” So Jesus includes Peter, to go out and minister to people. He is basically saying, “You denied me, but I forgive you. I know your heart; I know you love me. You were weak and now you are strong.  I want to include you to help me spread the gospel.” The story keeps going...

 
If you read in Acts 2:1 - 5:40, you will see that Peter is a leader, heals the sick, ministers to people and does even more. Even though he screwed up big time, and he couldn’t change the past no matter how hard he tried; he was still used for God’s kingdom to further the gospel. In the Bible, you can read more stories about many people who screwed up, yet God used them in mighty ways to do mighty things, after they repented.  (Repent is to feel sorry for; to change our mind and actions to not do it again).

 Dear God, help us lean on you when we commit sins we have done, temptations we succumb to, flawed characters that need fixed, and other things that we do that we wish we could reverse time and go change them. We can't change the past, but we can accept your grace as we repent. Lord forgive us as we change from the mistakes and sins we commit. Help us to keep moving forward when we do things that we horribly regret like denying you three times. Lord give us strength to live the life you want each of us to live and help us be a blessing to each other and especially to you, God. In Jesus' Name...AMEN


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Expressive Praise at the Redlands Art Assoc/Art Gallery

Wow, time sure flies. Christmas will be here before we know it. I Can not believe September is here. I have been busy with art projects and have a love for it in my life.   To me, oil painting is challenging but it keeps my mind focused. I love to listen to KSGN and sing praises to God while I paint an abstract picture or a scenery.

I have submitted some artwork at the Redlands Art Association, downtown. Various art projects such as: oil paintings (abstract and scenery)from $35 to $150, and photography greeting cards for $3 each.








I am a newbie, so my paintings look minimal to the extravagant, gorgeous $1000 oil paintings that are near it.  I have seen gorgeous paintings and met some amazing artists who totally inspire me.

Who would have thought that I would be submitting artwork at art galleries. I never even thought about this ever happening. It's amazing how God works and has changed my life.
So if you go the Redlands' Art Association/Art Gallery, and you see artwork by "Teensy's Art" or "Expressive Praise" (a.k.a Tanya Kirkendall), just think of me....Buy a $3 card to send to a friend or keep for yourself, better yet, buy a painting.........The good news is that the more I paint, the better I get. But the better I get at oil painting, the higher the prices will be. Hey and when I die and become famous, you wished you would have bought my beginning artwork, hahahaha....lol.

All of the pictures you see in this blog are by me, Expressive Praise/Tanya Kirkendall.

Hopefully I will be submitting new art every 5 weeks...........
The Redlands Art Association/Art Gallery is at:
215 E. State St. Redlands CA 92375
909 792-8435


                             

These are my photo greeting cards:



Here is one of the photo cards (enlarged view).











I updated the details of Teensy's Art to Expressive Praise (5/16/13)

106 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU CAN’T SLEEP

106 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU CAN’T SLEEP
All sheep seemed to have disappeared, so no need to count them any more.
(Warning: The author has not tried all items on this list and is not held responsible for any damages that may occur while trying anything, especially if it is done while sleep walking; nor is she responsible for any lack of sleep that may occur or will continue to occur. There is no guarantee that sleep will occur or will be limited or excessive after doing all items on list. Caution: Do at your own risk)...  haha lol 
1. Pray
2. Read Bible
3. Tell God 20 things you are thankful for
4. Do relaxation techniques
5. Watch a boring DVD to make you drowsy
6. Pray for people you know
7. Pray for missionaries in other countries
8. Pray for people in other countries
9. Read a book
10. Drink a glass of warm milk
11. Check your email
12. Check your Facebook
13. Change your Facebook status
14. Check what everybody else’s Facebook status is
15. Write a To Do list
16. Accomplish something on your TO Do list
17. Water your plants
18. Go outside and count the stars
19. Ponder about who made the stars
20. Tell God how much you love him
21. Take pictures of the sunrise
22. Turn on TV and see how many infomercials you can watch in one hour
23. Make your lunch for later
24. Sneak downstairs in the dark and pretend you’re a spy in another country
25. Call someone you know who would be up at this time. Bonus, it could be someone on the other side of the USA or country who you haven’t talked to in awhile
26. Order something online
27. Scrapbook
28. Balance your checkbook
29. Balance your credit card book
30. Write out a budget
31. Watch videos on Utube.com and type in “clean comedy” in search bar
32. Dance a crazy dance
33. Do the laundry
34. Do 20 sit-ups
35. Do 20 sit-ups while singing “I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner”
36. Eat a nutritious snack
37. Write a nice letter (or email) to a friend
38. Make a grocery list
39. Write a goal list for the upcoming week
40. Write a goal list for the upcoming month
41. Write a goal list for this year
42. Write a bucket list
43. Write a Thank you card to someone who has helped you
44. Write Get Well cards to people you know who don’t feel well
45. Take a class online
46. Check how many minutes you used on your cell phone this month so far
47. Check you how many texts messages you used on your cell phone
48. Call the operator and wish them a Merry Christmas
49. Call 1800 4prayer (and say "help, I need sleep")
50. Find out how many ways you can laugh
51. Look in a mirror and make funny faces
52. Floss your teeth
53. Try a new hairdo
54. Clean the bathroom
55. Write a poem of song, and dedicate it to yourself
56. Count how many paper clips you have
57. Clean under your bed
58. Defragment your computer
59. See if your computer’s security system is up to date
60. Make a list of any vitamins or medicines you are running out of
61. Go for a walk (if it’s light out)
62. Clean your bedroom
63. Restock your stapler
64. Defrost your meat for tonight’s dinner
65. See if you can make something with a glob of dried glue
66. Connect the freckles on your arm (or face)
67. Write out your tithe or offering check
68. Count how many times you see the word “and” in the Bible
69. Count how many times you find the name “God” in the Bible
70. Find the word “Rapture” in the old testament
71. Find the word “Rapture in the new testament...just kidding...The actual word “Rapture” is not there, only the meaning. Lol
72. Dust your TV
73. Polish your silverware. If they are not real silver, just shine them with a towel anyway. Still looks nice
74. Do ice or heat pack treatments if needed
75. Organize your bookcase in alphabetical order (no, I haven’t done this)
76. Color coordinate your closet (I seriously used to do this in my early 20’s. Lol)
77. Draw a picture
78. Color the picture
79. Pay your bills
80. Take digital photos of everything you own
81. Delete the digital photos of everything you own
82. Organize your food pantry
83. Set aside any cans of food that could be donated to a community food pantry
84. Straighten the living room
85. Fix any pictures that are slanted by your kids or earthquakes
86. File your paperwork
87. Mend some clothes
88. Organize your miscellaneous drawer
89. Pray for your children or spouse
90. Do 20 pushups
91. Delete any folders or files in your computer you don’t need
92. Erase your old text messages in cell phone
93. Upload pictures from your camera onto your computer
94. Send pictures to your friends
95. Delete the pictures on phone or camera you don’t need any more
96. Add songs to your MP3 player or IPod
97. Play songs from your MP3 player or IPod
98. See how big you can blow a bubble with chewing gum
99. Go through all your clothes, and set aside any that don’t fit anymore and donate them.
100. Type up a prayer to God
101. Write “To God” on the envelope and mail your prayer
102. Count how many times you blink your eyes
103. Take deep breaths
104. Inhale
105. Exhale
106. Slowly close your eyes

Good Night or Good Morning to whichever came first!!!
By Tanya Kirkendall

The Spoon Theory

Yesterday, I wrote about how frustrated I have been so I did some physical activities the past two days to help me let go of the frustration. (Some of my friends said how great it was to be physically active and how I need to do more of it. Yet little do they know when a person has just one major illness it causes extreme pain, it probably is hard to get out of bed and face each morning. Not because of depression, but because one can barely move due to pain. Yet I am not that person who has just one illness).

This is Day 3, recovering from past few days: pain was so great, had a hard time getting up, let alone move my body. Waited to eat, because it took much strength to get up and get in gear. Stayed in my pj's because just moving was an accomplishment in itself. Took two naps after two hours of being awake. Had to have hot packs on my back for when I bent over, pain shot everywhere. So hot packs on neck and shoulders felt as good as the one on my back. This is just a glimpse of my day for I don't want you to read about my whole day but about this spoon theory which I read about a few minutes ago.

I didn't write the spoon theory nor do I have lupus, but I totally understand it and use the spoon theory in my personal life. If you want to know more about me or a close loved one who has some kind of pain, illness, or disability, please read it. I pray you begin to understand what we go through.

(Note: I am sending this blog to give awareness of what some people have to deal with daily.
I ask that you click on the link and read about the Spoon Theory.
Thank you
Tanya

The Spoon Theory:
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

p.s. If the link doesn't open, copy and paste the two lines above to the Internet address bar.