Saying Goodbye

I am saying goodbye to the American dream I once dreamed. The one where you have a husband, 2.3 kids, a home. The dream where you are a full-time mommy or have a full time job out of the house (or both). The American dream where you have enough finances to take care of your family, a vehicle, the housing expenses, and whatever else life throws at you. I am saying goodbye to good health and to wellness. This is the American Dream I have never experienced, and may never will. I am not saying goodbye to the fact it may never happen. I am saying goodbye for the losses in my life that I never knew in my past and I am opening the doors to new opportunities.

I say goodbye to my precious children I thought I would have many years ago. I say good bye to your laughter, the changing of your diapers, to the sleepless nights of hearing you cry for food or to be held. I say goodbye to bringing my newborn baby home with me. I say goodbye to seeing you as a baby grow into the toddler years. I say goodbye to watching you as you have your hands into everything, like the pots and pans you discovered in the lower cabinet. I say good bye to your giggles, to the new discoveries you would have found, and to all the endless hours I would have spent teaching you about life and God.

I say goodbye to the tears in your eyes that I would have wiped away or to the scrapes and cuts I would have kissed. I say goodbye to your tearful first day of school to your day of graduation. I say good bye to your accomplishments, talents, and fun you would have had.

I say goodbye to your teenage years. I say goodbye to the nights I would have felt your heartache of your broken relationships that you would have encountered. I say goodbye to helping with your homework night after night and also say goodbye to the times I would have had to discipline you. I say goodbye, my dear children for the love I would have given you and the love you would give me in return.

I say good bye to your joys, your sorrows, your happiness, your frustrations, your sadness, and your excitements, my dear little ones, that you would have experienced. I say goodbye to you my dear children.

I say goodbye to the husband of my younger years. I say goodbye to the wedding I thought I would plan and even to the honeymoon you might have planned. I say goodbye to the times we would get to know each other and I say goodbye to even the frustrations of marriage. I say goodbye to the countless years we would have spent together loving each other and worshipping God together. I say goodbye to the arguments, joys, disappointments, excitements, and the frustrations we would have experienced together over and over again. I say goodbye to you as a godly father to my children and a godly husband to me. I say goodbye to your love, your friendship, and to the nights you would have slept by my side. I say goodbye to the times you would be at work when I wished you were at home and I say goodbye to the times you were at home and I wished you were at work. I say goodbye to our love. I say goodbye, my dear husband.

I say goodbye to good health. I say goodbye to all the years I would have not spent at the doctors office. I say goodbye to energy, pain free days, great health, and wellness. I say goodbye to feeling well, vibrant, and healthy. I say goodbye to good health.

As I have written my goodbyes, I say hello to more opportunities that God will give me and I will experience. I had to say goodbye to the American Dream that has made me sorrowful for many years of not experiencing it. I say goodbye to the American dream that people have lived if they liked it or not. I say goodbye. I look forward to the things in life that may change my life forever. I look forward to the time of spending more time with God. I look forward to the hopes and new dreams that God puts on my heart. I look forward...

My Usual Doctor's Appointments

Sometimes it just feels good for me to write things out; it is very therapeutic. So here it goes:

The questions you may be tired of answering at the doctor's office and how sometimes you may want to reply but don't because you are too polite.

Tanya's sarcastic appointments:


Name? Tanya M. Kirkendall
Medical#? 12345678
Age? I am a month older than the last time you asked.
Weight? 110 lbs. (give or take on a lot of factors)
Sex? None of your business (lol) Female/Male? If you can't tell that I am female, you really are the one who needs the doctor
Pulse? yes
Height? Still 5ft (haven't changed since the last time you asked)

Procedures? Read attached note
Surgeries? Minor surgery, had 4 teeth pulled out at once
When did you have your last period? Excuse me, that is my business.
Are you Sexually Active? No
Are you pregnant? No, I just said I am not sexually active
Are you sure you are not pregnant? Yes
How sure are you that you are not pregnant? I am a 100% sure
Hmmm? You are kidding me, right?



Are you on any Medications? Yes, remember all the ones you prescribed. Actually, please read attached list

Why are you here? Because I am in excruciating pain everywhere.
Are you in any Pain? Yes, Everywhere
Where abouts is your pain? I just said, it's everywhere
Would you say your pain is all over your body? yes
On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain? It's a 10.
Where is this pain that is at a 10? everywhere.
What does your pain feel like? It's excruciating.
So would you say your pain is discomforting? No, I said it is excruciating.
So would you say it is throbbing, sharp, or dull? Who cares; it hurts!
Any sudden bowel changes? None ya business. Do I talk to you about your bowel movements?
Any other medical conditions? Yes, read attached resume.
Do you see any other specialists? Yes, the ones the doctor referred me to. Hello are you losing your mind? Please read attached resume
When did you have your last blood work done? The info is in the chart you are holding.

Then the doctor comes in and asks:
"What can I do for you today?"