"A Glimpse of Fibromyalgia" and other silent illnesses (Poem and Painting)

May is Fibromyalgia Awareness month. 

I seem to have two unwanted cement blocks tightly against each temple of my face.  The pressure is so great, yet I am thankful it doesn't scrape my skin. There are drills on each side of my face, pointing toward my jaw joints. Every time I move, the drill automatically turn on, and make gaping holes in my joints. I try to escape, but I cannot unlock the heavy chains gripping my wrists. With any little movement, each cement block becomes tighter against my head, and the chains, wrapped around my wrists, rip the skin on which it sets.  

                                                           

My fingernails are ripped off, one by one; they bleed and scream out for help.

There is a huge granite rock laying heavily on the top of my head, that I cannot lift off. It causes great pressure beyond my control; I cannot move.

I try to straighten my back, but the rigged, metal plate against it, keeps me from doing so. My feet are tied together; they are useless when trying to travel to my social life. They can't even walk me out of this miserable pain, which has a hold of me daily.                                                  

Sweat drips off my brows causing my eyes to burn. I am unable to see well; everything is such a blur. Words, I have learned, were either erased or jumbled in my brain; things are so unclear and foggy.There seems to be no relief with this horrible life of pain. Bad reactions, tackle my stomach upon everything I consume.  My ears and head pounds with each sound that life makes. Nothing seems to help it; for life is never silenced, in my world.  The weight and heaviness of my legs, add to the turmoil in my body. They scream for mercy, but none is granted. They try to hold me up, but are unsuccessful. I am not comforted by the breeze that passes by. I wish all this pain would go away.                                                                                      

                                        

I cry out to Jesus, my Lord and Savior, to rescue me from all this haunting pain. He acknowledges me, and tells me that He understands how I feel. I look up with my weary eyes into the face of God; I am able to feel peace seep into my soul.The metal against my back grows cooler, soothing my aching body. I am comforted by the coolness of the cement, soothing some of the pain in my temples and face.                                                                                                                                      Even though God hasn't take this pain away, I feel a little more strengthened. I am able to stand taller, straighten my posture, and keep on moving forward.  I am not out of this life of pain, although, I do feel a little more at ease.  I thank God for helping me as I endure this excruciating life of chronic pain.                                                                                      

                                                                         


By Expressive Praise (Tanya Kirkendall) 

poem 2006 (revised 2013)                                                                                                                                                     

Copy of acrylic painting 2013

This Painting is dedicated to all those who suffer with Fibromyalgia, excruciating Chronic Pain, and any other silent illnesses.  It's especially dedicated to my old and new fibro buddies (my fibro brothers and sisters). May God give us hope for a healing, yet give us daily strength to endure the bodies that we have while we are waiting. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

For more information on these topics, check out these links:

The National Fibromyalgia Association 


But You Don't Look Sick 


National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases 


Note: the three links above are by other authors. They are not mine, I am just promoting them.

Ask, and You Will Receive???

I have heard so many people quote this scripture:  "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."   (John 14:14)

So that means whatever is in this world I can have, right?  Isn't that what people are saying?

"Dear Jesus,
I want 1.2 million dollars (to start out with),
an awesome husband,
some well-behaved children,
no more pain,
a mansion in CA,
a beach house in Hawaii,
my private plane with a 1000 ft swimming pool in it,
a house on the sun (without being scorched),
a grocery store where everything is free,
"the go transportation" (I go wherever I am thinking. If I want to go to Japan. I think "Japan" and I arrive a second later),

and I would like to eat whatever I want without any health issues attached to it. Like for instance, I want right now: a monster hamburger as big as a building, a 100 oz chocolate shake, and a big house full of curly fries. and I also want 200 oz. of Dr. Pepper and 100 lbs of brownies. So God, you said that you would give me anything I want. This is what I want; I am waiting."

Do you really believe that God wants to do that? Do you really think that He WILL give you everything that you specifically ask for? I really doubt it; actually I know it won't happen. Let's look at the scriptures right before John 14:14.

"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."John 14:12

If you live for God and do what He wants, than you have the mind of Christ.  Having the mind of Christ is like wisdom to decid what is best for your life. The list I made above is not real. Those things will not happen, some of them are totally impossible.  Well, actually some of them might happen. 

But for the most part, I know in my personal life what God wants for me because I want what is best for him. It's easy to get caught up in the "wanting from God" stages of your life...Yet knowing you are doing God's will is awesome.
 I know, there are days that I have a pity party and want to be healed NOW, ASAP. Yet I know that God is using me to help encourage others around the world because of the suffering I have been through.  If people will reach out to God, or think about God more, or accept Him as their savior, then this suffering is worth it.

^{John 14:13  says"} And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."  

Would God be glorified if I had a mansion or 1.2 million dollars?  Probably at first, but then I don't think I would feel I needed him, so I might just toss him to the side. I hate to say it, but it's probably true, for me. God will do things in His name, if He will be glorified.  Just because we think he may be glorified through a situation, doesn't mean that it's true either.  

The scripture says: ask and you will receive.  It doesn't say ask and you will receive the exact same thing you are asking for.  God may bless you in other ways, instead of maybe getting that healing you wanted, or that job promotion, you thought you needed; he may bless you in another way. If we stay in tune with him, he will do what is best for us.

A lot of you know that I have a tremendous list of health issues that affect my daily living.  I pray and hope for a miracle, but I also do what I can to glorify God, through all that I am going through.  If I can touch people's lives through writing my experiences on a blog, talking to people around the world on the Fibromyalgia support group on Face Book, or painting a picture to give awareness to God or the pain I go through to bring awareness to mine and other's needs, than this is best for my life, at this moment.  This is God's will for me, for now.

^"these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.  What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.”   1 Corinthians 2: 10-13

p.s. I don't want all that I requested in the list at the top of the page. ha ha lol

(picture by Expressive Praise-Tanya Kirkendall)

and God Rested...

"Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array.  By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.Genesis 2:1-3 (NIV)

Can you imagine that there was nothing on this earth; there wasn't an earth, yet?  

No people working in the office or outside walking their dog. There wasn't even a dog to walk, because animals didn't exist.  No one had to pick up their dog's poop, or carry a bag to carry it. lol  (oops, Sorry...had to throw that in there).

There were no buildings; no office supplies, no desk or computers, paper clips, scotch tape,  nor paper to put in the printer....No phone calls, no faxes, no emails, no chattering employees, no bosses, no hard workers, nor were there even lazy workers...There wasn't anyone to complain about and there wasn't anyone to complain to.   

One didn't even have a bad day because there were no people, and nothing to do on these vast planets.  There was nothing out there that could be seen with our human eyes. 

So God creates the planets and everything in it.  

"Okay, let me put a "God" size pebble over here; I will call it a mountain. Hey, Jesus. Check out this mountain.  Isn't that awesome? I think I will put them all over the place.

 "Okay let me put some water over here.  Hmm, let me see...Yes, there it is, I will put  a bunch of water over here and some over there. I will put a bunch on this planet, but maybe a trickle on this other planet.  Wait, I put too much; let me take some water out of the planet and add it to this planet; I will call this one earth. You know, this is some great stuff. Yet it is missing something...Oh yeah, greenery....I am going to put a lot over here...well, actually, I think I will put the greenery all over the earth, because it's so beautiful.  Oh yes, let's see...lets add some colors to some of the greenery...Wow, it's so gorgeous...Wow, Holy Spirit, look at all this beauty. It's awesome." said Father, God (part of the Trinity).

"We see this beautiful creation, too, because we are creating it along side you," Jesus and the Holy Spirit, (who are both part of the Trinity) said simultaneously.   

"I know, but I just had to voice it because it's just so marvelous and breath taking." says Father, God.

"It's so beautiful, let's share it with others. Okay, why don't WE make some mammals, animals, birds, and some critters and than WE will make some people to help manage it's beauty,"  says Jesus.

After 6 days of creating, the Holy Spirit said: "Ta da, It's done."

"You are too funny," said Jesus.

"Okay, WE are done. Let's take a day of rest." said Father God.

I know it probably didn't  go like that, but my creative mind lets my imagination flow and think of what it could be like.

So how do you think God, who created all of this, rests?  Does He sleep in His majestic bed? Does He watch TV, play video games, read a book? lol. Probably not.  Have you ever thought of how the creator of the universe rests? Maybe He just sat down and just admired all His work... Have you ever done something like that?  May be you sat back and watched your newborn baby coo or smile for the first time.  Or maybe you planted a garden, and after a hard day of pruning, you stand back, and look at its beauty.  Or maybe you are an artist, like I am, and you paint, and then sit back and be amazed at the painting.  

Sometimes I like to observe and marvel at a tree, a flower, or the blue sky and just think of God's great awesomeness.  It totally relaxes me and puts my mind at ease.




It's okay to take time out of your day and admire God's beautiful creation.  It's so relaxing.

(Photography by Tanya Kirkendall (Expressive Praise)

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Is Your Wick Trimmed?

When the candle is lit, it brings light into a dark room.
It's not the wax that makes it glow, but the wick.
The wick needs to be trimmed to get the best results.
The wick can't be too long, nor can it be too short. 
Yet the candle is stagnant without something to light it up.


We are like individual candles. 
Our body is like the wax  and our character and soul are the wick.
We need to constantly change and be trimmed so that we are more effective.
God can use us to light the room around us.



When Jesus lights your candle,
He illuminates you and makes you shine so much brighter.
Impurities start to melt and the candle takes on a new shape with the light of the wick.
It's best to make sure our wick is well trimmed and ready to shine Jesus into a dark world.





(wrote poem on 3/21/2013)

A Silly Song about Sleep lol

I just want some sleep

nothing too much
just some great deep sleep.

da da da. dunt


All I want is sleep.
The kind that you say:
"shh, be quiet...I'm asleep."

da da da. dunt

All I want is good sleep,
that's not fare,
that guy gets it, and he's such a creep.


da da da. dunt


May I have sleep?
Do I have to buy it
and does it come with a jeep?


da da da. dunt


Oh yeah, I need sleep
If you reap what you sow,
do you sow what you reap?

da da da. dunt

Me, oh my I need sleep.
Does it come in a container
or a bottle that's steep?

da da da. dunt


Oh yes, I need sleep.
When I catch it,
May I have it for keeps?

da da da. dunt

Going crazy because I need sleep.
When I get some rest
I am gonna jump up and leap.


da da da. dunt

oooooh yeaahhh, I need sleep
it's got to come sometime
or I am going to weep.

(lol)

I didn't know so many words rhyme with sleep. lol


(picture is of Buttons about to go to Sleep by Tanya Kirkendall (Expressive Praise)

Silly Me

I'm laying on the couch
I look toward the window.
The blinds are open to look out
and a tree is waving at me.
It's shaking it's leaves in the wind
and making me want to grin
because it's waving at me.

I'm laying on the couch.
My cat is sitting on the floor.
I pat the cushion for him to come
and he walks slowly to my side.
I reach my hand for him to touch
and he greets me with a little purr
because he's purring for me.

I'm laying on the couch.
The blankets around me are so soft.
One beneath me so inviting
and the one above me is delighting.
I cradle it in my arms
and feel cozy and charmed
because it's comforting me.

I'm laying on the couch.
I have only slept but a blink
yet all my thoughts are poems.
Am I delirious and awake?
Who cares? It's just me.
It's just God, my cat and I
because I am silly, you see.

As I'm laying on the couch,
I hope you read this poem.
I hope it catches your eye
and make you want to laugh
or make you want to smile.
But if you don't enjoy it, who cares?
Because it's silly being me.



(poem written on 4/3/13)

My Chronic Pain Poem

Severe chronic pain is no joke.
Having daily pain?
Smile, you are one of us folks.

The pain can be burning, stabbing, or throbbing.
You try to act cool and smile
even through your joy may be robbing.

There are treatments galore,
I know you probably have tried them
and sometimes the pain hurts even more.

You try to function on a daily basis.
The pain feels like it goes forever
and runs through your body in different places.

Sometimes you feel like you are going nuts.
It starts to make you feel nauseated
and all you want to do is puke out your guts.

It affects your daily living no doubt, 
the cleaning, the cooking, working and more.
You want to just sit down, cry and pout.

People forget to contact you 
because they don't see your face around.
I hate to say it, but it's true.


They stop inviting you to fun places
yet they don't mean you any harm
but it does affect your smiley faces.

The loads of fun in the past is a blur
your social life is oh, so lacking
and you're home alone with a cat and his purr.

You have to pick yourself off of the floor 
and remember you are important
and no way, a bore.

so roll off the bed, and smile.
Let the sun in. Open those curtains 
that have been closed for a while.

Remember to believe you are going to make it
and pray for God to give you strength and love
because He will not fake it.

Take a deep breathe of fresh air
and enjoy fresh and newness
even though the pain is hard to bare.

Find ways to enjoy pleasures that are simple
like a flower, a book, and a cloud
or a child's smiling dimple.

Ask God for more simple pleasures
to help you smile and relax
for you, they may be a world of treasures.

Get up, face your day and again smile
don't compare it to other people
because this is your life, for awhile.

Even though  you are sore
try hard to find different ways
to smile, laugh, and laugh some more.


(I wrote this 4/3/13)
photo by Expressive Praise (Tanya Kirkendall)

Today's Forecast: The weather is a changing

The weather is a changing.
What is brewing in my body?
some partly cloudy days
and rays of pain seem so naughty.

The weather is a changing.
I feel it in the air. 
The moisture stabs my skin
and it's a caution to beware.

The weather is a changing
My skin is crawling off its shell.
My muscles are wanting to scream
and my bones complain, "o well".

The weather is a changing
More sleepless nights to endure
because my hands and feet are burning.
My vision and dreams are such a a blurr.

The weather is a changing.
There's burning in my head to my feet;
neck, hands, and back;
nothing is lacking with this pain of heat.

The weather is a changing.
I have to deal with fibro fits.
All of my body is hurting, 
and even both of my arm pits.

The weather is a changing.
I have to keep my spirits up high 
because this fibro can throw you for a loop
and make you want to cry.

The weather is a changing.
Sometimes the rain is out and tears flow,
so I have to keep my umbrella handy
and hold it tight, so with the wind, I don't blow.

The weather is a changing.
Days like this, make me lean on God more
because the pain has increased;
and is intense even more than before.

The weather is a changing.
I know it's hard to comprehend,
yet I wanted you to know 
that through all of this, God does lend.

The weather is a changing.
He gives me strength to en-dure
and the people he sends me
helps me and lifts me up, for sure.




The weather is a changing.
It brought me closer to Him, that's true.

It made me lean on God so much more;

especially when I feel oh so blue.


The weather is a changing.
I guess, my character needed refreshing, no doubt.
My heart knew so much pain
and the weather changed my life's plan and route.


God thank you for the weather a changing.
I know that you know I deal with so much.
Please give me strength, give me peace,
and God, I thank you for your special touch.






Chronic Pain and Fibromyaligia awareness.
People with Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, and Chronic Pain Syndrome like I have tend to feel a lot of pain if the barometric pressure changes, the temperature changes, or if there is any moisture in the air. If there is any humidity of moisture in the air, it could be our worst enemy. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, especially on those days. Thank you Tanya


Note: all pictures are by Expressive Praise (Tanya Kirkendall)

I Thank God for All My Senses

I try to thank God
when I smell something awful,
like sewage or burned popcorn
because that means I have my sense of smell.

I try to thank God
when I see graffiti on the walls
or watch as the thick smog we breathe rolls on in
because that means I have my sense of sight.

I try to thank God
for painful jaw joint procedures
or when I have burnt my finger or had a paper cut
because that means I have my sense of touch.

I try to thank God
for the roaring sound of the ambulances that pass by
or having to wear ear plugs because of my ear sensitivity
because that means I have my sense of hearing.

I try to thank God
for the nasty medicine I sometimes have to take
or of sometimes the awful food that my tongue can't handle
because that means I have my sense of taste.

I may complain at times because of the strange or awful senses I have experienced, Yet I do thank you God that I can smell, see, feel, hear, and taste. Some people are not as fortunate. Thank you God that I have these senses.

Crazy Appts

I went to my  M.D. or what they also call GP for a TX for my TMJ,  FS also known as M.E., and CPS. All he did was gave me a PX and another DX.

Awhile ago, he sends me to a Physio  because he thinks I need it..They give me a PX and turns out I don't need it anymore and I have been off of that Med since August of last year.  YAY...That Psych Dr wasn't too happy when I decided to get off of the med but once I did she was surprised that I was doing well... Yay for me for standing up for myself.

I tell the G.P. that I am going to a D.C. and he thinks they don't work...Well, I would rather go to a D.C. with no meds and get relief weekly then have another med added to my list from GP. My Dr wasn't happy when I got off the px I did last year...

One med gives you side effects and then you end up taking another med to get rid of those side effects...So yes I got off of 4 meds last year. Yay Me...lol

 So I have been going to my D.C. and he was nice enough to give me actual TX that really helps, with and adj, plus hooked me up to the EST, or was it the IST equipment, and other TX..


If you can understand this, then you are either in the medical field or you have been to the doctors way too much, like me. lol.

Fibromyalgia Poem...What We Deal With. (please read if you or someone you know has fibromyalgia or any chronic pain)

Fibromyalgia is no doubt a pain.
You may feel like you are going insane.
Your skin hurts to touch
Your brain is not alert, that much.
The pain is so intense and excruciating everywhere,
and even your skin feels like it's crawling and hard to bear.

The vision is blurred, doubled, or even spotted
and the neck and back muscles, are all knotted.
Your head may hurt and feel like it will explode;
the pressure is so intense and feels like a huge load.
Your brain is so numb, unclear, and foggy
and if you didn't sleep well, you may be groggy.

Pain in the hands and feet increase when the weather changes
and runs through the body in different ranges.
Then there is the snap, crackle, and pop of the TMJ jaw syndrome
and it's even affected by the food you intake, from going out or eating at home.
We don't know what a good night sleep is all about
and it's hard to handle and not focus, no doubt.

The skin may itch all over your body and all you want to do is scratch,
and your immune system is lower, so sickness, you may catch.
The muscles spasms are no laughing matter;
they make everything worse, even the bladder.
Then there are the sensitivities to food, allergies, meds, and more.
Sorry if all these many symptoms, to you, are a bore.
But this is what we deal with on a regular basis
and we try to be our self and put on different faces.
We try to smile, yet there are days that it hurts to even do that.
Then there is the IBS that causes bloating and make us look pregnant or fat.
It is so embarrassing at times, with all that we have to put up with
and people say Fibromyalgia is all in our head, but that's such a myth.


We just want people to believe in us
and not to make a huge fuss.
We so want to live a regular life without pain
yet our daily challenges keep our energy drained.
So please take us seriously, we have feelings too.
Stand with us when we are happy or feeling blue.
Encourage us, pray for us, and help out when you can.
We need your support, your love, and to be our big fan.
Cheer us on, encourage us, so we don't feel alone,
by emailing, texting, visiting, or calling on the phone.


We appreciate all the encouragement we can get
yet if this is too much for you to handle, don't fret.
But PLEASE do not minimize what we go through,
because everyday it feels like we have the flu.
Think of going through body aches, weakness, and of the worst cases.
Well, that is what we deal with and even more, on a regular basis.



Fibro buddies, keep your chin up and breathe in fresh air;
Look up into the sky, and remember someone does care.
There is the God of the Heaven who knows what you go through.
He knows when you are having a hard time and feeling blue.
He has an unconditional love for you, He wants to share.
Acknowledge Him because He loves you and does care.
I (Tanya) totally understand what you all go through
because I have a list of health issues along with Fibromyalgia too.

Poem By Tanya Kirkendall

4/1/2013 (12 am)

(all pictures are from photobucket.com)